sneaky in suburbia

Ahahah. so I was going to introduce this post with “hi guys, it’s been a while”, only to remember that actually… it hasn’t. Last post was after Sunday formal, okay, and I was evidently at the loquacious but forgetful stage.

Anyway, it occurred to me just now that I’d like to share a few links to blogs I like reading, and if other people wanted to do a similar post of their own and comment with a link, that’d be fun. we could MAKE A MEME. I’ve never made a meme before, how exciting. Here’s my five links.

1. Elinkan is a 19-year old Swedish girl with a very kitsch/perky fashion sense. nothing she wears would ever suit me but she takes great photos and I love her use of colour.
2. the selby is basically ‘house porn’, to steal a phrase from second cutest choirboy. people with exciting taste and the exciting places they live.
3. feministing is the best blog I know for news/commentary on feminist issues.
4. sex is not the enemy is a lovely photo/quotes blog representing real, diverse sexuality. pro-LGBT and anti-stereotype. not remotely worksafe.
5. thekitchn is a food/recipe blog. lots of lovely photos and recipes and links.

strength in my bones

One of my favourite bible passages got read in evensong today. By Emily, incidentally, who is a really great reader. I guess most poets are. This is Matthew 6, 25-8.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”

It’s week four and I feel like term’s rolling its sleeves up. In a few weeks’ time, our music society is putting on the most ambitious concert in – well, at least five years, and actually I think it could be the most ambitious ever. We’re doing Carmina Burana (among other things, ahahah ha ha ha) and even in its reduced format this needs two choirs, two grand pianos, five percussionists and some incredibly good soloists. From next week, I’ll be attending rehearsals for the choir, the semi-chorus and the orchestra, and as publicity officer I’ll be designing a professional-looking poster and flyers, arranging to have them printed and making sure that everyone hears about it and decides they really need to buy tickets…

Course-wise, I need to finish my theology coursework and my dissertation, which I’ve not worked on since last term. This constitutes 50% of my final mark. I also have an essay deadline every week, I still need to finish the overhaul of our music society website, and I’m still going to have seven hours of choir a week, not including solo practice and preparation for lessons. This is the minimum; I also need to take up any slack about this massive concert and make sure Matt, our conductors and the other committee members aren’t going crazy.

I guess what I am saying is, this passage means a lot to me and always has. with me it’s always a matter of perspective. Whenever I start getting grumpy I remind myself, I am the luckiest person I know. it’s been a long time since I’ve doubted that.

if my intentions stray

Hi all. Let me tell you about my big fail in the library today.

I have told Emily about library boy. She doesn’t normally work in the library like I do, but she came in today to check him out and pass judgement. He wasn’t sitting nearby, but it’s always pretty obvious when you’re talking in the library (and I hate it when other people do it) so I grabbed my essay plan, scribbled “blond highlights, grey sweater” at the bottom of the page and sent her over to the other side of the library, past his table, to put a book back for me.

This worked like a charm. She kept a straight face (just about), got a good look at him, passed her approval (quietly) and left me to get on with things. sly! cunning!

A few hours later, that boy sat down at the same table as me to use his laptop (the library has a different area for this; tapping and whirring is distracting). His presence was also distracting, but recently I have become very good at pretending to concentrate. It was only ten minutes after that when it occurred to me that my essay plan was lying on the space of table between us and still bore a description of the clothes he was currently wearing.

I think I am not very good at subterfuge.

In other news, I got some admin and misc. errands sorted this weekend. and laundry! My room smells amazing right now.

the orange in the overcast

Hi. Not much of particular interest has happened here recently.

I had a lot of long-winded stuff here, but I decided to compress.

~~SIGNIFICANT CRUSH OF SIGNIFICANT PROPORTIONS &ETC~~

that’s pretty much it. he also hangs out in the library, which is the place I go to do all my work, since I found that only there could I actually escape all outside distractions and maintain proper focus. oh ho ho.

anyway, goodness knows I need some way of feeling like I’m in control, so I’m getting introspective. my aim is not at any point to take this any more seriously than it deserves. I seem to recall Susannah giving me that advice over Christmas, about life in general, and it’s just so true. I’m lucky with having wise friends. Or I could go with Emily’s approach and just hit on him in a really blatant way, as she instructed me on Friday night in a tone of ‘well, duh‘. (<3333)

every no turns into maybe

I’ve been back for nearly a week now.

…the last time one week took this long was that time I went from Cambridge to London, to home, to London, to Athens, to London, to home. this time I’ve travelled, um, 100 miles max.

Anyway. I’m busy! Hooray! Lectures have started, so I’m getting up earlier, I’m singing Britten’s War Req in King’s tomorrow night, I’m taking myself and my laptop to the library tomorrow afternoon, I’m singing solos on Sunday that I’m determinedly not rehearsing (new step, I’m trying to outrun my neuroses) and then I’m dressing up and going to my first choir formal of term, where there will be the ritual humiliation of a ten-story-high happy birthday descant and enforced birthday kissing with the Milton statue. I’ll try to make sure I’ve had a glass of wine by that point.

in other news, my team’s manager is being investigated for tax evasion and the pretty blond one is out for at least six weeks with a knee injury. when football and offensively sexist advertising are the only things getting me down, I know I’m doing alright.

you turned me around

My desk post-birthday is a shiny happy place.

I didn’t do anything very special for my 21st, as it’s really near the start of term and I figured everyone’s about to get very busy. I’ll arrange something more dressy a bit later on, maybe. Instead, I sent an email to whoever came to mind and invited them all to go to Clowns that evening for cheap and cheerful pasta. I told them not to bother with presents and definitely not to sing happy birthday to me in public, but they did both. then we just went back to Matt’s for tea and chat. I was nervous about that, since that group hasn’t spent an evening together since last year – since before Charles’ death and before I broke up with Matt. but not only did we have a nice time, but Matt also suggested that we try doing it again on Saturday, like we used to every week in first and second year. I can’t really describe what this means to me but it’s making me tear up as I think about it, so I’ll move on.

Lectures start tomorrow and I’ve just arranged eight essay supervisions, so term’s almost underway. Choir practice started up again today, which feels great, and I spent my first rainy(/snowy) afternoon of many sitting in the library trying and failing to find Diocletian interesting. if we’re being honest, I was slightly distracted by the ridiculous colour combination that the incompetent-librarian dude was wearing.

I’m getting sorted out now. Something I have here that I don’t at home is a sense of possibility. Here is harder and lonelier and I make my own cups of coffee, but I’m in crowds of people who are great at my subject and at music and at life in general and sometimes I’m pleasantly surprised by how I compare. all these chances to be awesome at stuff makes up for other things.

And I’ve got a phone in my room which Sam calls me on. That helps too.

beaten in the game

“Everyday is a gift and i will try to be more thankful for the mere opportunity just to have a difficult time…” [DV's blog.]

This is one of the truest things I have read in such a long time. It’s put in an unintentionally hilarious way (and the grammar is kindof spurious) but wow, it’s so incredibly true. Talk about finding insight in funny places.

4:20 and I’m off to the library. I think that means term’s begun.

winter clears the drains

It’s my last day at home before going back to uni. I need to pack.

I’ve never been this unenthusiastic about going back to uni. Normally after a few weeks at home I’m a bit more ready for it. I think it’s to do with the work I’ve not done, the mPhil I might not get onto (and might not really be cut out for), the way I’ll be returning to an empty room every evening. I know from experience that it will all be fine eventually so shut up. It’s just never felt this hard to remember.

A few positive practicalities, then.

• I HAVE A MILK FROTHER NOW
• cooking for myself = exciting new experimental recipes
• all friends in the vicinity will be in the 15-minute-walk vicinity.
• conclusion: living in a city is great.
• new courses with lectures. weekly deadlines! structure!
• Imogen Heap with Lou next month. omgYAY.
• one day soon, this website will be transformed completely.
• my room at college has a Fernando Torres poster in it.
• some things stay with you no matter how far you go.

and everything starts today

Hi, I realise I never introduced you to my favourite Christmas present ever.

(explanation for the uninitiated lies here.)

HAPPY NEW YEAR MY HOMIES.

i owned the set of shoulders

“Yes, everything is possible.”

I don’t rec much music here, but I’m listening to this album right now and I feel like talking about it. It’s called Young Machines, and it’s something like the fifth album by Her Space Holiday, one of Marc Bianchi’s musical projects. He was also in the band Indian Summer, which was a 90s band that involved a lot of screaming. so obviously HSH continues in the same vein, making music that’s pleasant, undemanding and sortof sparkly. exhibit A, first song on the album:

Her Space Holiday – The Young Machines

I am really keen on stories about reinvention. I’m not past the point of using them to excuse/condone breaking up my first successful longterm relationship. But it was so successful and longterm! Driving back to Chris J’s last night, I struggled to explain myself beyond “I just didn’t want to be in it anymore”. he pointed out that this in itself is a legitimate reason.

I am also keen on Something to Do With My Hands, which is a catchy and rather sexy song about morally dubious activity. As with most music ever, it’s on youtube.

The rest of the album is not quite as good as these two songs, but it’s pleasant listening. The only thing I really regret is that they didn’t get a violinist who could play third position in tune for the riff sustained throughout Tech Romance. seriously.