Take 22, copy 1. And the guy across the street.

I wonder why heartbeats have become such a romantic thing. It’s just… meaningless thumps. Something like blinking, but involving blood and muscles and pushing things around. It’s like what we were touching on in Greek a few Fridays ago - wondering why the heart has always been so connected to feelings and emotion, when all it does is a mechanical task of pushing blood. Apparently the Greeks thought the heart was where you thought, because of the beating. That’s why they connected it with emotions too.

The drum part of Njósnavélin always sounded like heartbeats to me. Heartbreaking, cathartic music, and the beating carrying on from beginning to end. There’s something comforting about that. We just keep going.

Finished AMS today - discussed most of the last act, and only four of us were there. That’s another reason I’m glad me and Lou didn’t end up stowing away on the British Museum trip. That final act… it’s fantastic. Beautiful. “You can be better.” I have to go find my book now and reread that part. You can be better. Once and for all you can know there’s a universe of people outside and you’re responsible to it, and unless you know that, you threw away your son because that’s why he died. It’s such a strange comfort to me that Chris doesn’t lose his idealism in the end.

Gained credit, now. Also, Cicero test went well. Things are good.

“Tell Hetty to do Classics.”

I’m living for moments, at the moment. Counting time until, and time after.

Lent Chrispy the Postal Service, will be intrigued to see what he makes of it. Will also be intrigued to see what Ed makes of it, as I know the system too well by now to not expect that transfer to happen. And, speaking of Ben Gibbard, I’m really kind of in love with this song. What Sarah Said, by Death Cab. It’s rather beautiful. It also relates back to what I was thinking about resignation, last night. Perhaps.

School… unremarkable. Rehearsal of the Elgar for AS performance next week, guilty last-minute doings of western tonal harmony in the IT room, shoddy translations of 36 of Bello Gallico in Latin, and triple Greek with Mrs B in which we deviated impressively about the likeliness of Christianity being brought about by social factors, and other fun things like the Eleusian mysteries. Fascinating, and all so very different from the today of last week. Tell me we’ll never get used to it.

Had my violin lesson today - the last one I’ll be having for a while, if not ever. How things change. I might be going back after AS levels, particularly if I want to try getting to a good level for a Music scholarship for a uni. We’ll see.

Lots of Cicero learning to do tonight. 10 chapters, in fact. If I’m online, I shouldn’t be.

I’ll be useful, I’ll be cavalier.

One of the hardest things in Go is knowing when to give up. Recognising that defeat is inevitable, and knowing to accept it. For me at least, it goes against my nature, and instead I always end up fighting until there’s no chances left, somehow avoiding the reality until I’m faced with the end result. In Go, this is something I’ll learn. Recognising an opponent’s good work when I see it, and giving it the proper respect. Resigning. Makemashita. Arimasen. In everything else, I don’t think I ever will.

Everyone seems to have been dealing in metaphors at the moment, so I may as well throw in my own. No relevances, just… something I found myself considering on Sunday. Go philosophy is fascinating. And I do love this site.

School… mostly harmless normal. Greek test (failure), Chaucer reading with Mel and Lou (hilarious, wrong, and actually fairly successful), town with EdnEdnChris (successful - Saiyuki!) and some Virgil. I don’t think we’ve ever been let out of Virgil early before, but I couldn’t say whether that was a positive sign or a negative one.

And, parents evening tonight. Hurrah. Also involves walking to the Grammar in the cold and wet and cold (possibly), which will be fun. My sole comfort is that the boys’ school have been instructed to stay in their suits. Pwned!

Edit: Hating to sound like a teenager here, but… need credit. If I haven’t replied and should have done, this will be the reason.

broadway is dark tonight.

As people around here say: mwee.

With any luck, I’ll be getting Saiyuki manga tomorrow. Noticed they had 1, 2 and 3 in Loughborough, so if anyone’s willing to wander into town again then I might as well take the opportunity while I have it.

General Studies mock was interesting. It involved… either essays or long paragraphs, whichever way you care to look at them. I wrote an exciting tangent about dangerous psychopaths at one point, but besides that was somewhat distracted by my other thoughts. That is, until all four of my ink pens ran out at the same time. Not funny, ink pens. Ended up writing the majority of the answers in pencil with a scrawled apology in the margin to whomever was doomed to marking our papers.

no more aches.

Vienna Teng - Lullabye for a Stormy Night

Never again will I underestimate anyone.

NB: spelling error not mine.

It’s been quite a day.

Sitting there and thinking, but.

Goo Goo Dolls - Two Days In February

Tournament? Good. Very good. I love that one, it’s so busy and exciting. And crushing (constructively), because it’s one of the few times of the year that I’m fully aware of all the flaws in my playing. Second game, eight stone handicap… it was eye-opening. And really useful, as sometimes you get used to thinking that there’s nothing else you can do to improve your game, and you’ll stay at one level forever. With her game, I could see that she had ways of meeting me that I’d never even considered. She crushed me utterly, but it was oddly comforting at the same time.

And for the rest of it - 3 out of 5 wins. I’m happy with that. I was beginning to lose hope after I lost the first two games, but after that I managed a win by resignation, a normal win by 15ish points (against Hathrell! *personal victory*), and another resignation win. I felt slightly more myself after those, particularly the fourth - however rubbish my concentration was, I still achieved something new there.

I did take a few photos. Mostly nearer the start, as I wasn’t in the mood by the end. Too much thinking and concentration, for one thing. Too much aching. I’ve taken paracetamol, but I can’t see that helping some of it.

Apparently, there’s a GS mock tomorrow.

1am.

Matt Nathanson - Loud

The words you’ll never forget. Welling, and falling away.

and how things change.

Clearly not ‘with it’ this morning afternoon. See a towel in my room that needs to be taken back to the bathroom, pick up the stool next to it, carry it out onto the landing before I notice anything wrong. Sigh.

I have musics! Well, British Sea Power (Open Season), Sigur Rós (Takk), and some Storyville. All most definitely worth the painfully slow transfer rate and missing messages of MSN last night. Thank you, Chrispy.

I took the paper out of my pocket last night. I’d forgotten that I’d left a sentence unfinished. That’s what comes of writing private things in public.

• time Pleyel Duo - under 4 mins
• Mus - WTH exes
• Greek - Aristophanes, revise L []
• Mus - write composition analysis
• Latin - Virgil, translate L []
• Latin - lang comprehension
• Greek - learn vocab p21 and 22
• Cicero - revise 41-51
• Greek - Hippolytus, revise L []

welcome to the planet.

Music post, because I remember I told Chrispy he needed to hear older Switchfoot. Which is of course true. Everybody needs to hear older Switchfoot.

1. Switchfoot - Innocence Again
2. Switchfoot - Learning to Breathe
3. Switchfoot - Playing For Keeps

Yesterday, it was… Njósnavélin. Or possibly Samskeyti. Today, it’s getting to Sæglópur. If you don’t get the Sigur Rós references, then… that would be your own fault. I’ve been listening to them so much over the past few days. Sometimes it’s a comfort to have music that doesn’t assume anything.

Hippolytus revis tonight, and hopefully some Go-playing too. As I told Stu… omfg Sunday! Should be good, particularly as the number of people I get to share it with gets larger each year. All arrangements seem to be sorted, which is a relief as apparently I was the one meant to be sorting them. Never mind, eh. Still undecided over whether to do orchestra or not.

…Tell me we’ll never get used to it.

Overslept this morning. Tried to sleep in Greek - Mrs B’s Greek. Gave up when I went home and went back to bed, missing violin lesson. Not tired anymore, to an extent. Just… tired of life. Tired of not having any control.

Gave up in my free first thing, and started writing. It’s freeing, but feels like a lead weight in my pocket now. It’s one of those things I know I’ll look at weeks, months later, and be unable to comprehend. I look forward to that.

NB: Next time, alert mother to personal problems. Apparently today she thought I was just lethargic and uncommunicative because I was so tired out, which is why she’s been discussing what activities I can drop for the last fifteen minutes.

Might not be doing the orchestra concert on Saturday. Mum’s flagged it as something I can take sick leave from if necessary, and I suppose she’s right. Also, violin lessons. I’m not getting any practice in anyway.