all I ever wanted, so far gone

Right, so, last few days… difficult to sum up. Too much's been happening. Actually, that was just Saturday. And Sunday. (Originally started writing this on Sunday, so it made more sense, but internet died Sunday evening and I had no chance to post it. Pah.) Saturday… I shall sum up in pictures. This is more fun, and better for most people's attention spans. (Everyone was a bit 'out of it' on Sunday. Thanks be to you, alcohol.)

Okay, so. Got up… lunchtime. Ate something, showered, and people started arriving at around… 3ish. Did random things upstairs for a bit, then I had my driving lesson and everyone else (with Susannah, who has Car) went into town to find Paul presents. With a little help from my driving instructor, as there was one too many people for Susannah's car. Fortunately he didn't make me drive Nikko to Somerfield's.

Driving lesson summed up into small phrases: ooh three-point turn, yay fourth gear, argh bitepoint, vroooom. The end.

Then… I got back, as did other people. Susannah started on Paul's artsy present*, I started sticking decorative things to his photo album, and Lou sat Chris down on the kitchen stool and got to work with the mammoth job of straightening. Eventually successful, but with a few hiccups along the way (and really fantastic photo opportunities therein). But eventually success was had, and this spurred us all upstairs. Though not before capturing emo/angry Ed, emo Nhoj, and emo Nhoj with added emo radiator. All Nhoj photos credited to Nikko.

But yes, spurring. Upstairs, I think we were all strangely emboldened, and while Susannah carried on her artsiness* on my bedroom floor (photo of result below), various people sat in various places, Nikko poked Nhoj's nipples (see expression of Nhoj), and Lou and I sat on the bed and looked at each other in alluring ways. Eventually we got tired of winking and moved onto other things. (The positioning of Lou's obscured right hand is a clue.) Then Ed unwisely sat down between us, and we took advantage. I want to print that photo and have it framed.

But eventually it was time to actually go to the party, so we did that. Sat around in the garden and drank things and made conversation of varying lewdness - depending on whether or not you were talking to Nikko - and I took the chance to capture emo Paul, emo Nikko, and not very emo Chris - straightening apparently does not last long with his hair, thus the toilet-brush look. More worrying still is that it seems to suit him.

The only photo I'm displaying of later is this one, and it may be clear from Nikko's expression what was going on there. Saying nothing. I have some very, very wonderful photos of things going on in that pavillion, however. One is particularly 'kute', and I keep looking at it. I think things are ready to get better again.

So… yesterday, practising with Susannah and Lizza for the concert in a few weeks time. Must figure out date, as I cannot drag people along to it if I don't know that. Anywho, everyone is invited. We need support, both in the emotional and financial sense - some of the money collected from the concert's going towards Suuz's Nepal money. We got through most of our pieces yesterday, but we need to get together again to practice my composed piece and… for the surprise piece, we need to check out the acoustics of St Helen's. See what's possible. I love concerts.

Right, concert is on the 10th June. *NB* Be free, everyone!

*The final word must go to Susannah's artsiness, which took her a total of eight hours to complete and is absolutely fantastic. We took it to Paul's as soon as it was finished on Monday, and he was deeply squeeful. See why. I think it was worth the six hours of afternoon she spent on the floor of my room. And the backache.

with so much left to seek,

End of an era, ne. Is this the way life's going to be now?

Well, I suppose not. Just one summer left of this, the strange kind of new life that it is, and then things will all flick around again. A strange life. I think we all need to just grab the summer, and make the most we can out of it. Things will never be quite the same again.

English went fine. More importantly, it went. It's over. No more lessons - probably. I might go to the ones remaining of this year anyway; I'm interested to see what the next year's going to involve for the A2ers.

And then there was town and McDonald's with Lou, and an afternoon's conversation in the common room that switched rapidly between deeply fun and toe-curlingly bad. It did involve the sentence, "I dream of kissing pufferfish", and some graphic detail of Lou's imagination that I never, ever want to revisit. A worthwhile afternoon.

Tomorrow! I have absolutely no idea what's happening. I know that it will start at some point in the afternoon, and end sometime in the evening/early morning. Or, rather, Lou will then come back here with me and we will 'sleep' and then drag ourselves out of bed for church.

This evening felt very much like the end of childhood. Being over at Susannah's new house, having her be 'competant' with things like driving and food, knowing it's Paul's eighteenth birthday party tomorrow - so many changes. Never again will any of us go through the hole in the hedge in either direction to spend an afternoon together, however unwilling. Never again those running footsteps outside my window.

I can tear up now thinking about it, but the truth is that I'm not sorry it's gone. It wasn't as beautiful then as I romanticise it now, and I'd be sorrier for us to stop it. We're all only just getting started, after all.

Write by the light of a pay phone your list of "I meant to say".
Like "Winter comes too soon", or "Radiators hum out of tune".
Out under the Disraeli, with rusty train track ties,
we'll carve new streets and sidewalks,
a city for small lives, and say that we'll stay for one more year.

and my friends can be my family.

Dad: …Should I stop calling it an iPod?

Hetty: Er. If you like.

Sam: YES. BY THE NINE HELLS, YES. [paraphrasing]

Dad: …Media player?

Sam: Yes. Or even, portable media player.

Dad: What's portable, though? The media or the player?

Sam: Er. Both?

Dad: Then it should be called a portable media portable player.

Sam: Well, no. All media is portable.

Dad: Really?

Sam: Yes. 

Dad: [pause] …Stone tablets are not so portable.

Bed. English. Fingers crossing. 

NO MORE ARISTOPHANES EVAR.

As She says, skwee.

omgomgomgGreekisOVER

And just English tomorrow and then freedom for a week, with added Paul'sparty and Evcoming and QUOFUGITISSOCII and Goo Goo Dolls and zomg.

Do not really care about English… yet. Might find a few plasters out, though, because I've just been finding how painful it is holding cheap nasty pens with sharp edges for three and a bit hours. And paracetamol. I just know something large and painful will be coming soon to a head near me.

Er. yes. squeeeeee.

On a slightly more logical side, however, need to revise tonight. Hard. I still have many, many pages of Chaucer to go other with a highlighter, and it might help to read AMS for the first time in a few weeks.

…er. time for a paracetamol.

Sztuugle says:
I'll tell you what though. They'd make a damn fine Hit(wo)man. No one would suspect a blender as a murder weapon

[...] 

Sztuugle says:
it's like a toaster. Anyone would think you can't kill someone with a toaster in a kitchien without hitting them with it.
Sztuugle says:
…and actually, i can't think of any way you could, so ignore that point.

but oh, such beautiful numbers.

http://www.ubu.com/historical/saroyan/saroyan01.html

• finish Chaucer
• final Aristophanes section
• omgpanicpanicpanic 

your wheels are turning, but

I'd tell someone to remind me never to go in a car with Susannah again, but… needs must. I think I'll get a good few car journeys with her in before Nepal. Seriously. Manic. I think all my giggling was out of fear. Or perhaps it was her spontaneous musical and Paul's bemused expressions and her poor, poor emergency stop. Poor tyres. Poor books that were previously having a happy life on her backseat.

She did not stop talking all the way to Groby. And back. It's quite a talent.

Our part of the concert went fine. Adam is no undiscovered songwriting talent, and no particular grammatical talent either. But he did a fairly good monologue. And let's not talk about the street dancing.

Yusighlow.

/As you pushed them all away, you made them all return. 

Sense of freedom fills my mind.

Tori Amos (and gratuitous Leonard Cohen) - Silent All These Years

Love this song. Was recently reconciled with it thanks to Stu and his illegal filesharingness, and this version even has LC reading some poetry at the beginning. Fun Fun. I need to remind myself how to play it.
Goo Goo Dolls - Iris (Acoustic)

For Lou/anyone else, as I said I'd share a good few days ago. It is beautifulness. Similar feeling to the full version, but more wistful than end-all dramatic. And quieter, which is always a bonus when I'm listening to music late at night and Dad's trying to sleep nextdoor.

GS exams done today. I had real trouble concentrating in the Maths, which has worried me. I'm just hoping that with some good sleep and good revision that problem won't return for the Greek and Eng. Most likely it was trying vaguely to recollect GCSE Maths principles that was causing the problem.

So… two free days. And when I say free, I do of course mean free in the sense that they're going to be filled with revision. It's all comparative.

NB, 15th June. NB!

Edit: Lifehouse - Take Me Away (Acoustic)

For me. 

an anniversary, of sorts.

A year ago today. Saturday 21st. That was the day we all went to see RotS at Tamworth… the first time I met Paul's 'Crew'. If Paul hadn't invited me along, I really can't imagine where I'd be now. No DnD, no crazy dressed-up GoF outing, (perhaps) no fanclub for Paul's concerts, perhaps no House or Lost. Perhaps. It gets hard to remember who caused what, doesn't it.

I can't imagine what I did with myself a year ago. How did I live without… any of the people I met this year. Hard to see, but it makes me very glad to have you all. You that I met at Star Wars particularly. You particularly. Just fill in the gaps there. I still have the cinema ticket stuck to my wardrobe.

Today's been fairly good. Couldn't face church this morning, but I went for a walk in the rain this afternoon and that and the hot shower afterwards made some things a lot better. And I spent far too long practising sassy winks in the mirror while revising Hippolytus, which might not necessarily have been the best use of my time. Ah well.

• finish Proc
• Hippolytus

edit: Proof that Mr Barrett has a sense of humour too: "This old man [Hippolytus's servant] is like the person we all know who says 'do you know what I did this morning?' and actually waits for us to say 'no, what?' before he proceeds…"