It’s snowing!!
That fact makes me indescribably happy.
The weather was so perfect for today, a crashing storm and hail everywhere and at times hardly being able to see through the window, it was so thick. And then it calming, and being just outside now just to see it all white and floaty and silent against the black sky. Pretty wonderful really.
For being in dingy rooms with friends making music. For slowly regaining a friendship and the trust that you didn’t think could be. For holding onto the reason that you don’t regret, but for letting go. For finding beauty in the people and and the places you never expected.
I realise I’m quite happy to be where I am now. And this is really far too late to be up making such inane statements, so I’ll say goodnight and thank the kitchen man, sylph people and stuart for the funandbusy day. Night night.
I had a really fun day yesterday. Very un-average, as schooldays go. Actually had a conversation on the bus, which is the first time since I was a Y7. Recital went great, we left the recital hall and Dr U applauded and Mrs Bolt went “That was fantastic!”, which made me very happy. There was one intonation slip in the Svendsen, but besides that I played the programme better than I ever had before. And I felt comfortable enough to perform them properly, which I think makes a huge difference.
At lunchtime all of Y13 made a trip down to the dinner hall en masse, which was also probably the first time I’d been there for lunch since Y7. Very fun. Had chips and square (rectangular) pizza!
Ended up going home with Emily after school (bus number one) and staying at hers until Caz picked us back up again. Far better than sitting in McDonald’s for four hours. Emily has a lovely house and a very lovely family, and they didn’t bat an eyelid that she brought someone home with her. Her sister made fairy cakes and we did the crossword and I did Greek homework and played the piano and stuff. And tidied Emily’s bookshelves. It was very fun. *nods*
And actually the form meal was really nice too. Sat very far away from Maz, which is generally the best idea, and a, I think surprisingly nice, time was had by all. We went to Moomba again, as that worked pretty well last time, and there are lots of photos of me making anglerfish faces.
Just off to town and then Leicester for band practice. Byee.
The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It’s full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing
But I, I love it when you read to me
And you, you can read me anything
Mum’s birthday today. We had a really nice meal to celebrate, a strange combination of thingy like crispy duck pancakes and onion bhajis and garlic bread. And I made a lemon meringue pie for after. I think I actually let an ‘eee’ escape when I took it out of the oven and saw it in all its lightly-browned shiny perfection. I have never made pie before, but I clearly pwn at it so I’ll have to make it again.
Today was better than yesterday because I had Loou. We talked about the important things of life, as we do. And had McDonald’s to cheer us both up. We also had an Iliad test and caught sight of Mr B’s speedos on the radiator, but let’s not dwell on those.
And not to be mundane or anything, but it’s been such fantastic weather. Went home on the bus listening to easy summer music and looking out over sunny fields. Came into Ashby down past David Hunt’s Soccer School and it was almost eerily perfect with the sheep and the green grass and daffodils and pool of water in the field with a single duck swimming contentedly. Very Wisteria Lane.
Still very much on the ups and downs, so I thought I’d write while I was on the up. Mood is changing with the music. So I’ll keep busy and go to bed before late.
Oh. I just found something I’d been looking for. It’s the shift in colour between minor and relative major, and the violin’s clarity. And the memories of two times I heard it.
…It has been another one of those days? I think when I get two in a row the problem is more with me. But I’d guessed that already. I was sortof rock bottom even walking up to school this morning.
Much of the opening was fairly fun, despite the knots I had in my stomach due to performing and presenting. Sir Peter came into our rehearsal in the morning and we were expecting him to just be polite and wander out again, but he made suggestions and ended up conducting the whole thing through himself. V good and terrifying, as I was leading. But he said that we’d played it very well at the end, and turned to me and went “And you are a lovely leader”, and I felt all gleeful.
And it was nice to mill around with people and watch the trumpeters do their Dr Who thing - “trumpets poking out of every orifice of the Music School”, as ChrisJ described it. Much like those evil Santa robots.
It’s awful, but sometimes I begrudge you your happiness. Sometimes I want you back down at my level, where loneliness and helplessness happens and it feels like there’s no-one and nothing to help it. It’s hard to remember that it happens to everyone.
At the moment I’m okay until I stop, and then I crash out and get so overwhelmed by tiredness and thoughts. At moments like this, everything is feeling too big and there is no solution and it is painful and humiliating to be the one who still remembers and cares. I’ll be fine, but for now I just need to let these things out.
It felt almost comfortable to not exist. Thank you?
It’s just been one of those days. Nearly skived Latin test, nearly walked out of Greek mock, nearly skipped orchestra. Feeling exhausted already despite the weekend.
Why do you morons not have the second sigma in your pompous Greek font? Sigmas do sometimes come at the ends of words, thank you very much, and when that happens your paltry little ‘σ’ is useful to nobody.
…So, I blatantly have PMS and stomach cramps today, but at least it’s fallen on the one day of the week when I can eat chocolate. Score!
Drove almost all the way to Melton and back today.
We got through to finals of Rotary thing. Probably have to change pieces and definitely have to change quartet name. Sam wants The Us Four Quartet and is not budging, so we’ll probably use that even though it will make people go ‘huh?’.
It was a lovely day today. Stu and I sat out in the park with our milkshakes and it was cold only just. I want this spring weather to carry on. It gave the most beautiful sky driving home too, lines of coloured cloud everywhere.
Feel less tired today, but now guilty and a bit lonely. But that’ll pass.
I keep taking for granted what it is to have people who get me. I get scared that there aren’t any others who will, and I’m not good at making friends. I guess everyone’s afraid of the future sometimes. But it’s not even that. Sometimes a photo on the side of my wardrobe just makes me want to cry.
Feel better now. Night all.
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