all my designs, simplified

Tomorrow did bring 1kg of buttons in the post, hee. I started sewing them on a blue tanktop while watching House. I am disliking House (as a character) more and more, but I think at this stage we’re not really meant to like him.

I’m finally having a proper listen to the two Porcupine Tree albums I have, in preparation for Sunday. (Deadwing, In Absentia.) The thing that stands out for me with PT is what an incredible range they have. (This point has just been emphasised to me by the transition from Shallow to Lazarus, ahah.) And it all sounds flawless, naturally. And while listening to all this PT I am finally writing that essay on why Wagner’s music is so innovatory. I swear that should be ‘innovative’.

I cannot. wait. to hear Lazarus. After last week. And speaking of which - one week today. =) I felt like I’d lost the bubble, last night, but then I sat in bed for a bit reading the book I’d brought back with me, and it helped put me back in control a little. I think now it’s possible to hope that my bubble will only leave for short periods.

Ahahah, now Halo. I’m enjoying this.

we’re still fighting it.

Hello, irony. Just when I thought I was finished.

Had a great time shopping with Lou today. It was very productive for both of us =) And the music shop gave me some answers to my electric violin questions, so I think I know more what I’m looking for now.

I’m feeling fairly sad tonight. For the first time since getting back from Spring Harvest. This is my bubble bursting. It’s partly because I miss that, and because I miss Chris, and because I’m sorry to be missing out on meeting up with people tomorrow.

But these will be sorted soon enough. And tomorrow may bring me 1kg of buttons in the post. And I have remembered that there is a little chocolate downstairs.

And STUART IS NOW WORKING WITH MY MOTHER :D :D :D

kiss you where it’s sore

Dad’s just back from a few days at Grandpa’s boat. Grandad was there too, as he was spending a few days in that area for a holiday. Dad says it’s hard to imagine what process Grandpa went through to appoint this new guy as the boat’s skipper, as he does not know how to drive it and that is sortof important. They broke down outside Portsmouth harbour for a few hours this afternoon because both engines failed. =)

Just bought these because I’m feeling artsy and want to do some sewing.

Nearly finished Plato essay.

if you’ve got an impulse let it out

I am in love with this. Whee, a twisty-shaped silver violin! It is just so cool. I’d like to visit the Burton music shop when Lou and I are shopping there on Thursday, and I’d like them to tell me that for electric violins the tone doesn’t differ much between types, and I should therefore be totally superficial in picking one that just aesthetically pwns. Because this one really does. (It also seems the majority of this type only come with fine-tuners on the E string, but I asked Kate today and they’re fairly easy to add, so that’s not a problem.)

I had a fab time today. =) It was yet another beautiful day, and Paul and Lou and I sat on a blanket in my garden colouring our converse with fabric pens (except Lou’s, which are already gorgeous enough). Then we baked chocolate muffins and had tea, and watched some Desperate Housewives. I realise now I did no homework at all today, but I don’t regret it. Days like today are meant to just be enjoyed.

But I’m feeling wistful tonight, caught up in wondering where you are and the strange feeling that I’d like to be there too. It’d be nice to share the stars with you again.

in my healing

I made chocolate souffles today. They rose mega-high because I overfilled the ramekins, but they tasted awesome and I even had some mascarpone left over from the lemon cake last week, which went really well with it once sweetened. I was very proud. Next time, darker chocolate.

Seeing Paul and Lou tomorrow =) I have a violin lesson early afternoon, but after that we’re going to colour in my trainers and possibly bake something and watch as much Desperate Housewives as we can fit in, as neither of them have seen season one.

Tim Hughes - Everything

This was one of the ones recorded at Soul Survivor when we were there two years ago. We sang it in the farewell sesson on Sunday morning (I think?), and it’s such a powerful song. I listened to it in my darkest moments of last year (I’m sure there’s a few header-lyrics to testify to that - along with a whole ton of Matt Nathanson ones), and its gentleness gave me some comfort, even when I couldn’t relate properly to the words. Now that I can it just makes me tear up every time.

I feel different since coming back. I’ve always been one of those people a little bit too mesmerised by ‘teh pretty’ of stuff, but since getting back I just can’t shake my sense of wonder at so many things that I know I’ve seen so many times before. Chris and I went out for a walk, eightish, and there was the cloudy sunset… and the misty trees… and later on, trees lit orange by streetlamps, and silhouettes of trees in bud and blossom, and the blue-red sky. And so many other things. And it feels like I’m seeing it all for the first time.

People too. Or should that be, second time.

all the time

Slightly more eloquent post:

I did not develop murderous thoughts towards Chris. I met lots of lovely people, I heard lots of very wise words, and I made a promise. I’ll try my best to keep it. At the moment I’m just trying to find a way to encapsulate the way I feel now, so that if (when) I start feeling lost again I’ll be able to recall this and pull myself up.

I have too many thoughts and memories of it all to explain anything. I miss it very much right now, but luckily for me the one whom I shared the most of all of it with is just down the road, and now he has a scooter.

But we didn’t go to bed until three last night and then got up early to pack and have our final session, so I’m kindof a bit too sleep-deprived to still be up. It’s funny how sorry I was to leave my Butlins bed with its thin blanket and weird pillow.

I’ve come back with a lot of… hopes. Some plans. I was inspired. I was going to follow that statement up with something profound, but that’s it really. And yeah. Feels good.

the overflow

It is Sunday. I’m back.

CILIT BANG CILIT BANG CILIT BANG CILIT BANG CILIT BANG

thinking about calling on jesus

Mark Kilian - Stolen Legs

One of the very beautiful tracks from Tsotsi, just a minute long. It makes me think of those little moments in the film when his humanity slowly begins to show, all those feelings and forces beyond our control, sitting by my desk at Christmas, crying just a little, you by my side.

Off to Spring Harvest tomorrow. That’s not such a change of subject as it might seem. Chris and I and our mums are sharing a chalet, which will be interesting. We’ll probably be unable to stand each other within a few days of living together, especially as I normally turn to violence with Chris within a few minutes of conversation. But he is more tolerant of me than I am of him. I think? I guess we’ll see.

I think this time I need to actually make a decision, about everything. If I’m being honest, I consider ‘agnostic’ a copout, even though - if I’m still being honest - that’s what I’ve been for a very long time. You either do or you don’t. Do I?

I’m taking some work with me, and lots of books, and lots of paper. It was only two years ago when the three of us sat down by strangers on a beach and listened to them singing their songs.

Back Sunday.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-native_pronunciations_of_English

…and you won’t look back

I told myself I’d start working today, so I am. I just sorted out all the new music I’ve bought or been lent, and am listening to it. That’s Stars (hello awesome), Umbrellas, Mr So & So, Puressence, and The Rapture. And I first have a huge pile of sheets to file, so I’m doing that.

It was packed in choir today; we had ten trebles. Including Susannah, who makes enough noise for at least eight. And there was an Easter egg hunt, though by the time we’d finished putting all the books away the younger ones had grabbed them all.

• sheets
• music cw
• email NI number

I found that thing again today, and it’s still one of the most beautiful poetic things anyone has ever said to me. And it came from you. I think that’s kindof awesome.

against the dying of the light…

So I loved the DW ep this evening. Expelliarmus! asfdhgajsfgjhasfd. Fantastic.

I really enjoyed our picnic this afternoon. There were six of us in the end, and the sun held out as promised as we sat on a nice patch of grass and ate things. I wore my sunglasses for the first time this year. And a floaty summery dress - though admittedly with trousers. We stayed there for a few hours, talking and watching clouds.

Spent this evening (post-DW) playing poker with all three Gravestocks and then moving onto cow-racing (on the Wii, not like… real cows) when people started running out of chips. Well, that was meant to be the booby prize-type consolation for anyone who ran out, but it sounded just as fun as the poker itself so I don’t think anyone was sufficiently envious of my huge victorious win.

I looked up the address of the brain-rape fic (if you don’t already know, you don’t want to) because Stu and Jeppo were asking, and it made me think how little I now read in… well, any fandoms at all. I have difficulty even remembering what fandoms I used to be in, pre-HP. GW was my first, and then I wandered into other animes… Yami no Matsuei, HnG… I’m sure there were others. I guess the closest thing I’d have to fandom at the moment is Grey’s or House or Lost, just from all our crazy theorising (especially Grey’s, ahah). But reading in any of those fandoms would feel weird.

Anyway, I found this fic and passed on the address and Jep texted saying something like “Thank you, I shall spend a few minutes reading it and several years repressing the memory”. Made me laugh.

The Gravestocks keep making choice comments about my apparently large number of apparently simultaneous boyfriends. I found this unpleasantly ironic when it started up at the latter half of last year, but now I just sum up indignant faces from time to time and ignore it. It still feels funny though, sometimes.

Oh. Happy Easter to all.