http://www.kswo.com/Global/story.asp?S=8090855
Oh.
I was going to talk about my day, but it’s not important at all. You were a beautiful, wonderful soul, Anj, and I never told you, because you hardly knew me. But you are leaving a lot of people behind who respected and loved you for many many many different things, and I’m so sorry that this news article will be the only reason the rest of the world ever know your name, because it’s not what you deserve. I don’t want to talk about this further because there is no point trying to express the depth of feeling that such a tragedy means for so many.
♥
I know if this were someone else I would be secretly unsympathetic, unpitying, and that’s only right, because every has their own… stuff, and sometimes I’m so very aware of how that stuff is so much bigger than mine.
But this is my own stuff, my own pain, and it hurts so much at times like this. All these days and nights without him, and nothing to do but work and wait and pray for patience and grace. What’s wrong with time apart? I couldn’t say.
But I want to go home.
Four months, though. Oh life.
So I’ve realised that a large portion of my blog posts begin with the word ’so’. This is unsettling and ought to stop, but it probably won’t.
I just watched the first episode of Greys Anatomy season 4. Hurrah! They’re fairly easily-findable on the internet, so between that and Zelda I’m going to be well-occupied on the escapism front for a while. (Phantom Hourglass is addictive like Zelda games on older gameboys never were. Two screens = awesome.)
I’ve had a really nice day today, though I’m rather struggling with readjusting to home life now that most of the novelty has worn off. I’ve slipped back into the old sleeping pattern that I don’t really like, so I’m losing my mornings, and this means I’m not nearly as productive either; half of my afternoon is spent waking up and wasting time.
Saw Stu for lunch today though, which was really lovely – some aspects of home are irreplaceable really. I also got to buy some essentials that I left in Cambridge, like shampoo and deodorant, ahah, so it was almost a productive trip as well as a fun one.
I began missing him today. I managed one day home without it – that’s progress. we’re swapping dull minutiae of our days in messages of quite faithful daily regularity, and for some reason that makes things a lot better. But for procrastinating in late afternoon and for the silence of late evening, those times are so very very different without a copilot, and that’s when I notice his absence the most. I’ll adjust given time.
I didn’t get very much work done today, but I did some other stuff, so I’m letting myself off. I’ll do a little more now (maybe) and then take myself and Zelda to bed.
So I finished the prose comp in the end. We had the supervision this morning and most of what I’d done turned out really well; I always take tons of notes in those supervisions and then forget it all again afterwards, but nevermind. I’ll have to organise them properly over Easter – or put them into a word doc, then I could search for features I needed.
Clearly it’s got close enough to Easter holidays now that I’m getting all ambitious about how super organised and up-to-date my work will become during them. Just magically. It’s kindof sad that this is the treat I have in store for myself, but neh. So much translating to do, oh my goodness. I’ll do it.
I’ve had two really nice evenings since last writing; Monday we went out for a meal at Pizza Express as an early birthday dinner for Matt; his is this Saturday but lots of us are leaving that day, including me, so yeah. Anyway, we had an early celebration instead, and it was super fun – I think there were ten of us in the end, and the pizzas were delicious and there was good conversation and I think may be stage-managing a play with Ev next term, aheee. I really shouldn’t drink wine while making important exam-term-related decisions.
And yeah, last night we had our annual college Classics dinner. Very different to Monday as I don’t know any classicists at college that well, and for half of the meal I was sat next to my dos making slightly stilted conversation, ahah, but then the supervisors all switched places and I had DB instead, so that was more lively. Our conversation was most intriguing; he gave me a scientific history of Jimmy Eat World’s early years, along with claiming that Clarity and Bleed American were two of the top 25 albums ever; he told me that my hair was the perfect tone of red, and he asked me if I was going out with George.
And it’s funny, but other things seem to have come full circle too. Helen texted me before the dinner asking to meet up so we could walk in together, and we were sat opposite at table and had some ‘good chat’. Matt was right, though I’ll never tell him how much it all hurt me – we really are just different people. And it feels nice to be leaving on good terms.
Anyway. Forty-five minutes for some Tacitus and then I’m off to Matt’s to watch crappy crappy Torchwood. Final supervisions tomorrow.
