like a cloud of starlings

Then I fell at his feet and thought, Surely this is the hour of death, for the Lion (who is worthy of all honour) will know that I have served Tash for all my days and not him. Nevertheless, it is better to see the Lion and die than be Tisroc of the world and live and not to have seen him.

But the glorious one bent down his golden head and touched my forehead with his tongue and said, Son, thou art welcome. But I said, Alas, Lord, I am no son of thine but the servant of Tash. He answered, Child, all the service thou hast done to Tash, I account as service done to me. Then by reasons of my great desire for wisdom and understanding, I overcame my fear and questioned the glorious one and said, Lord, is it then true, as the Ape said, that thou and Tash are one?

The lion growled so that the earth shook (but his wrath was not against me), and said, It is false. Not because he and I are one, but because we are opposites, I take to me the services which thou hast done to him. For I and he are of such different kinds that no service which is vile can be done to me, and none which is not vile can be done to him. Therefore if any man swear by Tash and keep his oath for the oath’s sake, it is by me that he has truly sworn, though he know it not, and it is I who reward him. And if any man do a cruelty in my name, then, though he says the name Aslan, it is Tash whom he serves and by Tash his deed is accepted. Do you understand, child?

I said, Lord, thou knowest how much I understand. But I said also (for the truth constrained me), Yet I have been seeking Tash all my days.

Beloved, said the glorious one, unless they desire had been for me thou wouldst not have sought so long and so truly. For all find what they truly seek.

[C15, The Last Battle, CS Lewis]

I need to reread the whole series now that I’m old enough to read it for the symbolism and not just the cool talking-animals, but this works for now. I wouldn’t go as far to say it was defining God in our own terms, but it’s certainly it’s a baseless assumption to imagine we know what happens beyond this life. How could we possibly? Safest not to try at all. But this one baseless assumption, I don’t think I could live without.

Church tomorrow, 9am. Ho ho ho.

LOL DOCTOR WHO.

one day like this a year…

So Elbow were stunning last night. From Lou’s reckoning they did six new songs and nine old, and that surprises me now as I think back - looking at the lyrics of the unfamiliars, I recognise them all, and I don’t remember ever standing around wishing they were playing things I knew. I liked everything they did.

I was going to pick highlight songs, like Lou did, but I really can’t. But my more general highlights were finding out that they are nice people behind their nice music, that the lead singer especially is charming, and also how well the lighting was managed. I’ve never noticed this at Carling before (though I imagine it must have been much the same for the Goo Goo Dolls two years ago), but their use of colour changes to highlight shifting moods and their lovely precision with the back-spotlights at climaxes made the whole experience of seeing the music that much better.

Anyway. I came unexpectedly into a bit of money today (yays for Grandad and his premium bond present of a few years ago) so I’m going to buy Seldom Seen Kid and Cast of Thousands tonight. And Actually, Relient K’s Five Score and Seven Years Ago, because now that I’m looking at it, those first two don’t quite get over the £15 free-postage level.

I’m very tempted by Pickin’ on Relient K too (the bluegrass tribute, oh my god), especially after hearing the the comedy genius of their ‘bluegrass’ version of the drops in Sadie Hawkin’s Dance’s formerly pounding chorus… but I think I’ll resist. It’d only drive me insane. I can’t quite stop listening to it though. Ukulele!

Anyway. Mat’s back, which is a lovely, and I’ve already done my Euripides quota today, so I’m going to go watch House with Sam and then maybe do some Ovid. What a predictable life I lead.

took a hammer to every memento

So, a change in the Classics fac to look forward to on our return… and she’s quite right, the amount of traffic going through those doors on weekday mornings is going to make things very interesting with these superdoors…

The end’s in sight for my Thucydides text, fwee. This holiday I decided to make a start on everything (save Lucretius) before going back next Wednesday, and this hasn’t been a bad plan but it’s meant that I dot about without getting the yays of finishing anything. But I’ll finish this tonight (at a push) or tomorrow, which is awesome.

Also to-be-awesome is Elbow tomorrow, at Birmingham Carling Academy. The only thing I’d heard them do before buying a ticket to this gig was a cover of Teardrop by Massive Attack (in my defense, a very good cover), but I’ve fallen more and more in love with their sound since I got Seldom Seen Kid off John last week. The whole album has glidey strings and nicely-placed piano and a kindof sophistication that I just hadn’t associated with them. (yes, I make assumptions on bands without having heard any of their work.) Anyway, it should be an interesting gig, what with getting to hear this new stuff live and hopefully some older unfamiliars.

Tomorrow there’s also a chance that I might hear from him. And if not then, the day after for sure. The day after that I might even see him, might get to be reminded who this one is whose details I’ve forgotten. Maybe. But it’s the kind of hope I need.

but i think you can

Relient K - For the Moments I Feel Faint (link to youtube video)

I heard this song for the first time in a long time at Spring Harvest, and it reminded me how much I love it. It’s very much in the same vein as Be My Escape, but gentler and a bit more explicit on who it’s about. Sometimes Relient K do that and sometimes they don’t, often they’re not conspicuously about faith at all, and that’s why I like them. A moment ago I was listening to one of theirs whose chorus goes, ‘And I’m only gonna pierce my left ear / And I’ve been working on this moustache all summer long / And my favourite band will always be Tears For Fears / And I’m gonna wear a pink tux to the prom…’ They’re well-rounded, they’re completely normal, and just from time to time they come out with little gems about the beauty and the hope of life and how awesome God is. I love them a whole lot.

Anyway. I’m on line 466 of the Trojan Women by Euripides and I want to get to 500 as soon as possible, and at least in time to watch the main candidates for Mayor of London going head to head on Newsnight. Alright, I’m only watching for Boris. But yes, I have a hyper-super-cool evening ahead.

erasing statues

Entonces, dónde estabas?
Entre qué gentes?
Diciendo qué palabras?

Por qué se me vendrá todo el amor de golpe
cuando me siento triste, y te siento lejana?

10-14, X: Hemos Perdido Aun, Pablo Neruda

strength to face the day

To Test a Powerful Computer, Play an Ancient Game…

That’s a rather interesting article about the current state of computer-Go and why it’s so much harder to get right than computer-Chess. Because Go is cooler, obviously! It’s the beauty of a game where, four stones in, there’s already 16,702,719,120 different shapes they could have made. Until they develop computers with spacial intuition there’s no way of replicating just how damn good humans are at that game.

Anyway. I think I got onto that from the Go wiki, which I got onto from writing my CV… there’s a connection in there somewhere. To get onto a summer course I want to do at the British School at Rome, I need to send them a CV, along with a cover letter of why I want to get it and a reference letter of why I deserve to. Scary stuff - but I know I look pretty good on paper, so that’s encouraging. The only thing that could work against me is that at uni I’ve picked history and linguistics, not art and archaeology, but I’m hoping to skate over that detail and focus on how awesome I am in other respects. Like Go-playing.

The weather has been just amazing today, snow on the ground when I woke and alternating bursts of snow and bright sunshine since then. I felt like death this morning (thanks a lot to whoever gave me my cold) but forced myself up for family service at church anyway, and I was so glad I did. I love my church family, and I love playing music with people who place enthusiasm before aptitude, and I love feeling like I belong somewhere. But that’s not going to follow me around without a bit of effort, so next term I’m going to force myself up in the mornings again, and I’ll send Matt off to mass and get myself over to Holy Trinity. For 11-something am! That’s nothing. I want to make that effort again now.

Yesterday’s housesitting for the ex-bishop turned out to be a Very Good Thing for me. I had no distractions there, so I worked on Troades almost nonstop for five hours, and then I got gratitude and money for it, and then the exercise of walking home too. That in my books is a Good Job.

Yesterday I also made a carrot cake, had a family outing for dinner, played poker with a lot of Gravestocks and made a musical teaching resource with Susannah. That involved singing eight bars each of the words frogspawn, toad, caterpillar, grasshopper and butterfly, which each had their own rhythms (inherent in the words) and note patterns. The result was a lot of separate bits of sung melody that kids could stick together in any order to make their own tunes, and then stick on the end a clip of us singing ‘the end’ in a perfect cadence to make it sound finished. Clever!

She saved it as an mp3 for me to have as a souvenir, and it’s really not meant to sound like this as the lines shouldn’t be heard all together, but it gives a basic idea. (For that reason too it doesn’t matter that they’re not the exact same speed.) We were very giggly all the way through, because well, singing about frogspawn for extended amounts of time makes it sound like something much dirtier, and we also weren’t dealing well with the pure ridiculousness of sitting on my floor singing loudly about insects. And she couldn’t pick what ‘the end’ she wanted, so there’s a few. Anyway, it did what she needed it to do, and it was a lovely last evening to spend together.

And now I haven’t done any work for two hours, so it’s time for Tacitus. Or maybe tea.

edit: Dick. Dick dick dick dick dick.

the city sirens, violins

Today… well, let’s call it a ‘goals’ list.

• Tacitus
• carrot cake
• write CV & cover letter
• find phone replacement…
• Torchwood?

I am pleasantly surprised by Elbow. Their newest album at least (The Seldom Seen Kid) is a great combination of mainly gentle and ‘understandable’ music and thoughtful lyrics. I especially love Mirrorball because that’s just… not what I’d expected from this band. Thursday night should be good.

wake up where you are

I didn’t think a few more hundred miles would make any difference, but I guess anything does when you’re feeling a bit vulnerable. In both ways it’s living without, but this way it’s without someone to report back to, and I realise now how much I was relying on that. My person has gone, and I could really have used him today. I don’t even know where he is. France! Tiny place.

But anyway. I’m kindof on hold for the next week now, so I hope I readjust and just distract myself. I have plenty to do, ahah, Greek and Latin and all sorts of failing to meet Stu for lunchtimes. Tomorrow for sure.

I’m trying to be a better person now, I really am. Trying to think before I speak, act, react. I don’t think it helped, because I didn’t find one, but when I was sad last night and needed comfort, I went searching for a Bible on Emily’s bookshelves. It helps to know that there’s always one more person than I think.

Edit: aand Enchanted makes everything better.

thought of the day

I am trying.

But you are all very trying too.