Instructions for Dancing

Friday June 30, 2006

someone who couldn’t even remember your name.

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 11:14 pm

After a While – Veronica Shoffstall
After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t always mean security.

And you begin to learn
That kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child

And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight

After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers

And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good bye you learn

Thursday June 29, 2006

into the night, deep in moonshine

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 11:12 pm

Just finished watching Greys (squee) and House (omgwtf squee) and off for a shower and then bed. Recorded both for Nikko since he was out at the Bristol open day and thusly missed them – Lou, if you need to borrow too, you’ll be welcome to.

School was scarily quiet today… with the number of girls open-daying at either Oxford or Bristol, and all the others girls who were involved in the first-year induction activities… wow. Four in Latin, four in Music, three at ‘octette’ (there was also an LGS theatre studies trip, which diminished numbers still further), and much of my day was spent at a computer arranging some more things for string quartet. Fun fun.

Main thoughts of today: goodness, school really is dull without Lou and Nikko; goodness, Maz really is that unfriendly; mmm, strawberries; pah, the injustice of being mocked for eating the stem. I couldn’t be bothered to fish it out of my mouth, alright.

Choir was amusing, with Lizza going completely high for no apparent reason, and us spending much of our time paging through the hymnbook looking for silly names and giggling in immature ways. I think it all started with the hymn that sounds like “If I had words to make a day for you…”. What a lovely film that is.

Wednesday June 28, 2006

while you’re chasing ghosts

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 11:29 pm

…wtf. Prefect training was yesterday? Feels a week ago, at least.

Sarah Bettens – Grey

Possibly shared that a while back. I can’t remember.

Newcell: congrats. Despite many, many setbacks, you pulled it together, and even if all the emo kids didn’t like it, us lot at the back did. Stupid time/venue-changes meant that all was confusion and I was the only nonparent there for any of the set at all. What an adventure. First I was leaving at 5:30 for the Attik, then it was 7:45 for the Shed, then it was 8:15 for the Shed, with Newcell set to be playing at around 9:50… and when I got there at 8:50, they were halfway through their set already. Fail, Shed. Anyway, most things seemed to go well anyway, and Induction and Bullet Time were particularly good. Hopefully there’ll be another chance to support soon.

I also got (re)introduced to Nhoj’s and Christian‘s mums, who recognised me from Grace Dieu days. I recognised Christian‘s mum with a bit of squinting. She even regaled me with previously-repressed memories of the time that I was Mary and Chris was Joseph in the school nativity. God, I’d completely forgotten that.

Stayed for some of the next emo band – ‘not particularly good’, if we’re being generous, though if they actually used the lyric that Nikko thought he heard (“I don’t know, I never clean them” – or something like that) then they plummet upwards in my estimation. But I don’t think they did. Somebody somewhere needs to use that. Please.

Also passed around the photos of Saturday-before-last, when we all sat around in a Leicester park making those daisychains. There are some fantastic pictures in there – and whatever happens for the rest of the summer months, and whether we all meet up again like that or not, we had that one afternoon when everything was perfect summer. Looking at them, they feel just it should. The summer that felt like it started with Ed, Nikko and me sitting out on the patio in front of my conservatory eating pizza, that evening we went to Junktion 7. It’s good to have photos of things like that.

Kate’s successfully tempting me towards the music awards scheme at Cambridge. It doesn’t look like much of a time committment, and it’s a chance to play with a really high-quality ensemble for perhaps one concert a term – and a bit of professional ensemble tutoring in the meantime. It’d definitely open up the way for professional music, if I wanted to keep that option open. I’m thinking I would.

What else of today? That I feel very, very lucky with what I have now. That I’ve had angst and I’ve hurt, deeply – myself and other people – but, once the floodgates opened, as it were, I’ve never been unsure of what I want. Who I want. Now more than ever, I call that a blessing.

Tuesday June 27, 2006

to hum through the hours

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 7:23 pm
  • violin practice
  • write out Medea transl/finish Ovid transl (+ scan?)
  • record/watch Lost – 10pm
  • …shower
  • sort AS Greek books for returning

OK Go was deeply good last night, as were WCA. The other support Zil were good too, though the frontman was a “cocky bastard”. But still, catchy. The practical downsides from last night are that I am suffering from enforced tired-but-perky, as unless I convince Mutter that I’m really alright then I won’t be let out to see Newcell on Wednesday; and the other is that the only pair of jeans I own now stink of cigarette smoke and had to be worn to school today for Prefect Training. Hair too, but I think that faded overnight. I don’t smoke, honest.

Prefect Training was really good, surprisingly. And mostly fun too, despite being forced into things like a roleplay with Mrs Pirie Julia in which I was trying to convince her to take part in house hockey tomorrow as she was a really essential part of the team. I think the only way I managed to convince her was by promising to print out her coursework on my computer. Also, I sat on her imaginery friend. How was I to know Julia was talking to her friend sitting on the chair next to her and not just muttering into the middle distance.

Tent erecting on the quad was rather fun too. We would’ve won if it weren’t for the cheaty cheats on the other team hiding some of our vital tentbits in the hedge. The teams were amusingly bitter and unfriendly to each other at the following session. It was a tentpole!

But anyway. B had an OK Go album in his car just randomly when he came round, and he lent. Hooray for people with similar taste. Hopefully he’ll be staying around for a bit, it’ll be good for Sam to have company.

I just deleted something because I can’t find any proper way of saying it. You can live with dignity, you can’t die with it. I hate that he’s right, and I’m hoping it’s not… I don’t know what. What does it matter.

I don’t really know anything, right now.

Monday June 26, 2006

some things just never change.

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 6:25 pm


And in other news, it appears that some of us will be going to WCA/OK Go tonight after all. I'd say hooray, but it inevitably ends up sounds like sarcasm, and for once it is not. Hooray.

Sunday June 25, 2006

but it’s worth it when we meet on common ground

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 10:23 pm

Mum's had a lovely weekend, and so have I. Who knew there were so… many… Rileys…

And who knew anything. Who knows everything. What do I know at all? That now is okay, for now. Perhaps everyone does become practical, or perhaps that's too cynical to say. On the other side, sitting under the trees and doing nothing but listen to guitar strumming triplets this afternoon was its own kind of beautiful. No grubbing involved.

what you are is beautiful

and i was not the answer, so forget you ever thought it was me

i want to wake up where you are;

i won't say anything at all

Tasks for this week… sort the confusion of Latin and Greek books. Write some kind of Personal Statement. Sleep more, analyse less. Read things.

Saturday June 24, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 6:08 pm

*sudden realisation*

*deep paranoia*

*hastily learns grammar*

it’s not a love, it’s not a love, it’s not a love song

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 12:32 am

One for Beka, one for me. Mine because I saw this, and it reminded me just why I love the emo that is Dashboard Confessional. Sometimes their lyrics are just so… right. Beka's because she asked for it, and becuase it's catchy. But mostly because she asked. When I don't do what she says she tickles me. Meanie.

Dashboard Confessional – Carve Your Heart

Jack Johnson – Staple it Together

The audition went okay. It was nice to not have any worry about whether I'd get lost – I've walked that route so many times that there was just no chance of it. Comforting. Not nearly as fun as walking it with Susannah and Paul, though. No-one to sing with. I don't remember appreciating that at the time, funnily enough.

Good Greek lesson today – it seems Mr Bunting's planning to take us through as many Euripides plays as we can fit in this year, as he's our verse author, so we're going to get a really thorough basis in the most important ones. General Greek Knowledge! <3
Other lessons of the day involved very little, but break and lunchtime were fun. The first involved Lou accusing me of groping Nikko, which was horribly unfounded, and the second involved a roundabout trip around town and then a few good games of Go. Lovely, but next time, we'll do the Go on a badweather day. Or outside. Today was just beautiful, and I'm starting to believe that Go is a winter sport.

Mum left for Launde at about the same time Susannah arrived here to show off her pretty new dress for the Ashby School leavers' ball thingum. It's all creamy-coloured and shiny with little gold flowers all over. *dress envy* She looks beautiful in it. My consolation is that it'd look awful on me, so it's only fair that she have it.

And then got some food, and watched Grey's. Fantastic episode. Fantastic music. And now I'm here, typing away. Listening to Elgar's Nimrod, because I need the company. One piece of music where the only thing I think of when I listen to it is that moment on stage when I could hardly play for the tears in my eyes, and an uncomplicated, unspeakable, beautiful feeling.

Stu, because you left: you are absolutely fine as a petty vindictive resentful scrot, though you weren't really being one. I'll stop that too. Don't worry. Talk to you soon.

Thursday June 22, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 11:41 pm

Mary Oliver

Everything needs it: bone, muscles, and even,
while it calls the earth its home, the soul.
So the merciful, noisy machine

stands in our house working away in its
lung-like voice. I hear it as I kneel
before the fire, stirring with a

stick of iron, letting the logs
lie more loosely. You, in the upstairs room,
are in your usual position, leaning on your

right shoulder which aches
all day. You are breathing
patiently; it is a

beautiful sound. It is
your life, which is so close
to my own that I would not know

where to drop the knife of
separation. And what does this have to do
with love, except

everything? Now the fire rises
and offers a dozen, singing, deep-red
roses of flame. Then it settles

to quietude, or maybe gratitude, as it feeds
as we all do, as we must, upon the invisible gift:
our purest, sweet necessity: the air.

we’ll just laugh along

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 4:22 pm
  • squee.
  • Had this song in my head for days.
  • Chocolate mousse from last night has come out beautifully.
  • Just heard almost all of Tchaik's 6th on Radio 3, the 'big project' of last year's autumn CBYSO week. I had my first kiss listening to (well, hearing) that music – I'd take a guess at partway through the second movement. Strange memories. It also reminds me how much I want to get in today.
  • played my pieces through this morning, and they sounded really good.
  • played Vivaldi's four violin concerto through at lunchtime with Sam and Hannah and Mrs B taking the other parts, and it was awesome. we're probably/hopefully doing it next year rather than carrying on with octette.
  • was let off my music lesson because I'd already handed in the lesson's work for homework and Dr Bean didn't have any problems with it. spent the time reading Suetonius instead. <3
  • now I want to learn to play the piano.
  • NB: Cadenza. Smile. Ring. Vibrato like a crazed seizurey person.
  • happy birthday, Jules. wherever you are.
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