Off to Bryanston in fifteen minutes. There was one last transparent attempt to see you before I left, but it’s not so bad that it failed, I’m just glad I attempted.
This song’s been in my head all morning. By all morning, I mean the last hour.
Dashboard Confessional – As Lovers Go
Oh, I take it back.
Back in two weeks, on a Saturday. Take care, everyone. <3
I think I just broke the spell. I should have figured out before doing it that talking about this could only give me one conclusion, and it would be one I didn’t really want.
Lou and I had an awesome time yesterday, first spazzing around with Paul at my house, icing Stu’s cake and wrapping things and suchlike, and then out in Loughborough with Sztuugle for Noodle Bar food and random drinking and chatting. And random encounter with Bekargh, which was so lovely. Hopefully we did not scare her with our slightly tipsy affection. Lou fell asleep in her clothes almost as soon as we got back, hee, but Stu and I stayed up for a bit and watched Grey’s 1×06, which I haven’t seen since like, last year. Then I made him sleep on the sofa. It was fun.
Today’s just involved (slow) packing for Bryanston tomorrow – I am unable to pack quickly at the best of times, and having Chris lying on my bed reading me more Winnie the Pooh was not really conducive to concentration. Anyway, I was done by this evening, so then we played some poker – tried out 7-card stud instead of hold-em, which was amusing – and watched the last Jekyll and things. Argh, Jekyll was so creepy. I so wanted a warm fuzzy ending after all that gore and misery.
Anyway. If I’m going to actually get to church tomorrow morning I need to go to bed now. So I guess I’ll do that. I’d like to talk to you, to say what I’m not really sure, but you’re in bed and asleep and so staying up won’t help me towards this goal anyway. Goodnight world.
I really don’t know where I’m going at the minute. But unlike all the other times I remember saying that, it’s not scaring me. Because I feel in control, roughly, and even when I think about it all now there’s no uncomfortable hindsight. Maybe later. It’s hanging by a thread right now, or a moment, and it can’t stay up there forever, but right now I’m happy with however long it’s got. And the knowledge that, this year, there will still be something left when I get home from my two weeks of manic Greek… that knowledge is better than anything.
So last night I tidied my room while Chris read me Winnie the Pooh, ahee. Then I worked on a laundry-room cupboard and listened to How The Elephant Got Its Trunk, which involved a lot of spanking and ‘satiable curtiosity. Then we watched House, then we had an impromptu sleepover thing which involved watching the only Yes Minister I’ve already seen and quite a lot of Python sketches. Good stuff.
I was just working through this Nathanson concert from yesterday, splitting it up into songs, and he’s got this new one called Come On Get Higher, which is so similar to DMB’s Crash Into Me that for the opening chords I just wasn’t sure which it was. And it’s similar in tone too – soft, gentle and entirely about sex, but with a lot of simple innocence there as well. That combination I’ve only ever heard before on Crash Into Me, but he’s managed it here too, and I like it rather a lot.
Mum’s gone to fetch Dad from the airport, he’s just arriving back from his sailing trip to France, and when they get home I’m off to fetch Lou and we shall amuse ourselves for a few hours (with Paul!) before going out with Stu for a bit, what with it being his birthday on Wednesday and us not actually seeing him since getting back last week, woe. So yes. Before then, I think I need a shower.
I’m actually quite scared by the clothes shops in town at the moment. I went into Dorothy P’s to buy some black jeans/cords to replace the ones I butchered into shorts during our France trip (desperate times, etc), and I came out with the intended black jeans, but also some black shorts and some very cheap sunglasses and a random little tube of Dove deodorant.
Anyway. Currently listening and recording the Matt Nathanson concert on NPR. Trying not to make any computer noises because Audacity will hear those too, for it is as sharp-eared and dull-witted as Polyphemos. Ten points if you get the reference. Nathanson’s put up the full-studio version of Car Crash on his myspace, as it’s been done properly for the new album, but I’m fairly disappointed by it. I’m so used to the soft acoustic version now, and all this new extra fizjiggle just detracts from the beautiful lyrics.
Ah well. My room is still a tip, despite my plans otherwise, but I still (possibly) have an hour and a half before watching House and seeing Chris, so may be hope yet. In a minute I will tear myself away from Nathanson’s amusing banter and go clear out some kitchen cupboards. Though actually, I hear a car in the drive, so perhaps not…
Today I did some tasty baking. And we watched Bruce Almighty. And the Top Gear goes to the north pole thing. And the first two Heroes.
The list of Things Hetty Needs to Read and Watch to Decrease the Regularity of Appalled Expressions on Chris Peth’s Face has apparently become very long, despite only suggesting he write it last night while in the car on the way back from Ed’s (which, if I didn’t mention, was just lovely – the photos have been making me smile). Today he’s brought round two Winnie the Pooh books and Kipling’s Just-So stories and a huge set of Monty Python randoms, as well as the Ross Noble I never quite got to see at Christmas. I’m going to be rather occupied for a while.
In return I’ve lent him Eddie Izzard’s Definite Article, my Stars album and a Linkin Park album. But I can’t get het up enough about any of these to pretend that they’re vital culture. except possibly the Izzard. (“brown bread. brown. sounds like… brown.”)
Things I failed to do today and need to do tomorrow: tidy room, sort random piles of CDs everywhere, return Chris’ camping stuff, clear out more kitchen cupboards, um. be more Productive. and less pervy.
So. Home. Nice holiday. I can’t even think of a way to describe everything that happened, and I don’t really want to, because some parts are wonderful personal things that I’m going to just hug close to myself. There were many very memorable moments, some better than others, but I think – and I think we all agreed – that we couldn’t have picked a better group of people to do it with. I might want to talk about some more specific stuff later on, because they make me smile to remember, but for now I’ll just say… the shit moments were far outweighed by the good ones, and (after the first night, ahah) I didn’t once regret going.
It was so… free. Partly just for the being away from all supervision, ahee, which was rather a first. and quite a learning experience. But some other experiences of it also returned to me another kind of freedom, where, thanks to you, I finally broke down some walls and lost some hangups that I’d been carrying around for far too long. I’ve come home lighter and more unafraid than ever.
Chris and I stopped off at Tesco’s on our way home on Sunday and we each got a copy of the new HP, which (after sleeping) we read… fairly nonstop… until about 4am, whereupon we were both too tired to continue and fell asleep on the sofa. I finished it properly today, but there are a lot of bits I now need to reread. I’ll save my comments for when I won’t be spoiling people.
The main thing I miss about France is sleeping next to someone every night. And it was so nice to have you fall asleep in my arms, disregarding when you like, spasmed and slapped me across the face. But yes, I didn’t mind the lack of personal space nearly as much as I thought I would, and now I’m kindof disliking this expanse of it.
Anyway, I’ll settle down in a few days. Some of us are meeting up again for a barbeque tomorrow at Ed’s, which should be great fun. I can predict there’s going to be lots of shouting about “PROBLEME!”. Among other things.
So in a few hours we’ll be getting up and going to France. My alarm’s set for 4, so starting now I have about 3 and a half hours to sleep. =) Currently wondering if there’s any point, so at 4… I might still just be sitting here. Chris has just gone to bed, but he’s a lightweight.
Yesterday was quite nice; Lou and I went to Burton for some shopping therapy, then in the evening Chris came round and we watched House. And also the remake of the Miller’s Tale that the BBC did a few years ago, in which James Nesbitt is sexy and awesome. I’m just so impressed by the way his characters are formed as absolutely separate people in my head with every role he takes. I always think this when watching Jekyll, but with his character in the Miller’s Tale on top of that… No other actor I can think of does it so well.
And today’s just been a general disorganised wander, gathering all the stuff I might possibly need for a week camping in France. I am actually clueless about this, but Chris has been here all day as his family have buggered off on their own week’s holiday, so he’s given me some idea of what I should be taking. And I have a SUPER MEGA HUGE rucksack borrowed off his mother, which is rather fun. It has a nice Petheram smell.
I really don’t know how this week will be. Will the constant company of five other people drive me completely insane? It could, because I am a person needing Private Space at the best of times, and honestly this isn’t. But, on the other hand, I expected to be spitting nails at Chrispy after a week of constant company at Spring Harvest, and by the end of that we were closer than ever. I’m praying that this will happen with us too. There are some issues that I can see just, exploding. but well, I think it will turn out okay. Perhaps we need the explosions.
Anywho, off in a few hours, as I said, and back at some horribly early hour next Sunday. Summer is finally beginning. Let’s hope it’s a good one.
So, WordPress was just a bastard and deleted my entire rather long post, so I am going to sum up. :c
I have roughly 3 hours now until needing to be up to drive to the airport, so I’ve been considering not going to bed at all. Chris was a lightweight and went to bed about half an hour ago, but yeah.
Yesterday was occupied with some shopping therapy in Burton avec Lou, and then some tv therapy in evening avec Chris, with House and then that BBC remake of the Miller’s Tale that I’d been wanting to see for ages, and in which James Nesbitt is really hot. In my mind all the characters he plays are completely separate from each other, and that’s true of very few actors for me. I keep noticing this as he plays two people in Jekyll, but with Miller’s Tale on top of this it’s even more evident. and very impressive.
And well, today has just been a day of wandering around wondering vaguely what to pack in the SUPER MEGA HUGE rucksack I’ve borrowed from Chris’ mum. It has a good Petheram smell. And yes, Chris has been around all day as his family buggered off on holiday today, so he’s given me a slightly better idea of what I should be taking. But I don’t actually like people being around to witness me packing, so I made him spend most of the afternoon lying on my bed reading Good Omens.
I’m unsure about how this camping trip’s going to be, as I’m a private-space person at the best of times – and this isn’t really the best of times. I will try my best not to kill anyone during the week. Then again, I remember having similar reservations about a week of Chris’ constant company at Spring Harvest, and I think we ended up closer than ever. So we’ll see. I’m anticipating a few explosions this week, but it should be okay. perhaps we need some explosions.
This is the start of my summer, anyway. and I have high hopes for it.
I really don’t know quite how I should be feeling at the moment, events today have just been missiling me, one after the other, and I can’t possibly say what’s most on my mind. but right now Jason Wade is screaming First Time in a joyful sort of way and that mood almost fits. We’ll see.
They gave us all CDs today before the final assembly and I was really pleased to find on it the slideshow that I assume they played at the Ball – I had been elsewhere by then and it was one of the things I’d been really sorry to miss, so, fwee.
The leaver’s assembly was lovely this morning. I cried, because I am a wuss. I had just told Lou that I didn’t think I would and then we all stood to sing Jerusalem, and suddenly I was off. And then after her little talk, Miss O’C read that poem, the one that she’d read on this day last year, the one that had seemingly pursued Lou and I for a lot of last summer, and which had given me quite a bit of comfort when I needed it. Yeah, apparently I have lots of poems like that. So that set me off properly, and from there the lower years sang us songs, three of them, and then there was really no hope. It was a good farewell.
Tonight I am going to sort out some paperwork, ahah, and
be generally quiet and perhaps be mildly sociable by watching House with Chris. We’ll see. There are some people I haven’t talked to in a while and would like to – actually, take it back, we’re going to see Shrek instead.