Instructions for Dancing

Monday March 31, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 11:56 pm


I was going to talk about my day, but it’s not important at all. You were a beautiful, wonderful soul, Anj, and I never told you, because you hardly knew me. But you are leaving a lot of people behind who respected and loved you for many many many different things, and I’m so sorry that this news article will be the only reason the rest of the world ever know your name, because it’s not what you deserve. I don’t want to talk about this further because there is no point trying to express the depth of feeling that such a tragedy means for so many.

Sunday March 30, 2008

the calm and the storm

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 7:30 pm

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know you are near

I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?


sweeter than this

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 3:19 pm

Home! Home and exhausted, physically and emotionally, and more lacking in sleep than I have ever been, but I feel good. I feel hopeful.

Lots of it was definitely fun, as I’d hoped. Lots of it wasn’t, lots of it was hard and painful and upsetting, and I haven’t ever openly wept as regularly as I did this week. But the two extremes went together; I’ve never felt such joy either. It being challenging was quite absolutely the point, I know that now, and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I can’t describe the good it’s done me.

This year we went to the adults’ events, not the young people’s ones, which was a great development. We had amazing speakers, moving and inspiring and so full of wisdom, and I can’t say how useful it all was, intellectually and spiritually. Over the next few days I want to write down everything they said that affected me, because otherwise it’ll all fade and I may as well have never heard them. I’ve got so many more questions, things I’ll have to struggle through on my own, but I can do that now, because I have the one answer that really matters.

We left the big top this morning dancing and singing, and we walked out into the brilliant sunshine and the blue sky that we hadn’t seen all week. Indescribable.

Still massively sleep deprived.

Monday March 24, 2008

today’s lesson in Thucydides

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 9:07 pm

ληστευω = ancient Greek for ‘I am a pirate’.

NB: Thucydides is so not as fun as it looks. And if it doesn’t look fun, well, now you know how I feel.

I haven’t blogged much since getting home, but then there has been very little to blog about. Work has been most of my time home so far, ahah, along with a (tiny little) bit of missing Matt, but each are getting slightly better with each day. So I’m not so bad.

Going away tomorrow. Spring Harvest! It’s going to be really fun, I think/hope, because there are a lot of fun people going this year, some of whom I haven’t seen in ages. If there is anything I really need, it is good company. And some new perceptions of God, so yeah. Back Sunday.

Sunday March 23, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 6:29 pm

Women drinkers ‘face cancer risk’

Other health risks for women who binge drink include liver disease, unplanned pregnancies and ruptured bladders.

Unplanned pregnancies? Erm, no, I think that’s something else…

Saturday March 22, 2008

pocketful of dreams

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 11:59 pm

I know if this were someone else I would be secretly unsympathetic, unpitying, and that’s only right, because every has their own… stuff, and sometimes I’m so very aware of how that stuff is so much bigger than mine.

But this is my own stuff, my own pain, and it hurts so much at times like this. All these days and nights without him, and nothing to do but work and wait and pray for patience and grace. What’s wrong with time apart? I couldn’t say.

But I want to go home.

Four months, though. Oh life.

Wednesday March 19, 2008

bring me back to that time again

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 11:50 pm

So I’ve realised that a large portion of my blog posts begin with the word ‘so’. This is unsettling and ought to stop, but it probably won’t.

I just watched the first episode of Greys Anatomy season 4. Hurrah! They’re fairly easily-findable on the internet, so between that and Zelda I’m going to be well-occupied on the escapism front for a while. (Phantom Hourglass is addictive like Zelda games on older gameboys never were. Two screens = awesome.)

I’ve had a really nice day today, though I’m rather struggling with readjusting to home life now that most of the novelty has worn off. I’ve slipped back into the old sleeping pattern that I don’t really like, so I’m losing my mornings, and this means I’m not nearly as productive either; half of my afternoon is spent waking up and wasting time.

Saw Stu for lunch today though, which was really lovely – some aspects of home are irreplaceable really. I also got to buy some essentials that I left in Cambridge, like shampoo and deodorant, ahah, so it was almost a productive trip as well as a fun one.

I began missing him today. I managed one day home without it – that’s progress. we’re swapping dull minutiae of our days in messages of quite faithful daily regularity, and for some reason that makes things a lot better. But for procrastinating in late afternoon and for the silence of late evening, those times are so very very different without a copilot, and that’s when I notice his absence the most. I’ll adjust given time.

I didn’t get very much work done today, but I did some other stuff, so I’m letting myself off. I’ll do a little more now (maybe) and then take myself and Zelda to bed.

Tuesday March 18, 2008

when the west wind blows

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 7:16 pm

So I’m back home for good now, yays. I was back on Saturday for just a day, but once I’d done a concert in the evening I went back to Cambridge on the Sunday for recording Scarlatti’s Stabat Mater and mass and motets with choir, and yeah. It was rather lonely after Matt left on Sunday, but I had a lovely time last night after we’d tied up all the recording and I went over to Ev’s for dinner and chat with people. My choir is lovely, but generally far more extroverted than I am, and comparisons don’t do my self esteem much good.

Anyways. Just off out to grandpa’s for dinner with family and other grandad, but I still have a lot of unpacking and stuff to do, ahah. But it’s nice settling back into home again. Saying goodbye wasn’t the difficult part, after all.

Wednesday March 12, 2008

onto you holding onto me

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 10:16 pm

So I finished the prose comp in the end. We had the supervision this morning and most of what I’d done turned out really well; I always take tons of notes in those supervisions and then forget it all again afterwards, but nevermind. I’ll have to organise them properly over Easter – or put them into a word doc, then I could search for features I needed.

Clearly it’s got close enough to Easter holidays now that I’m getting all ambitious about how super organised and up-to-date my work will become during them. Just magically. It’s kindof sad that this is the treat I have in store for myself, but neh. So much translating to do, oh my goodness. I’ll do it.

I’ve had two really nice evenings since last writing; Monday we went out for a meal at Pizza Express as an early birthday dinner for Matt; his is this Saturday but lots of us are leaving that day, including me, so yeah. Anyway, we had an early celebration instead, and it was super fun – I think there were ten of us in the end, and the pizzas were delicious and there was good conversation and I think may be stage-managing a play with Ev next term, aheee. I really shouldn’t drink wine while making important exam-term-related decisions.

And yeah, last night we had our annual college Classics dinner. Very different to Monday as I don’t know any classicists at college that well, and for half of the meal I was sat next to my dos making slightly stilted conversation, ahah, but then the supervisors all switched places and I had DB instead, so that was more lively. Our conversation was most intriguing; he gave me a scientific history of Jimmy Eat World’s early years, along with claiming that Clarity and Bleed American were two of the top 25 albums ever; he told me that my hair was the perfect tone of red, and he asked me if I was going out with George.

And it’s funny, but other things seem to have come full circle too. Helen texted me before the dinner asking to meet up so we could walk in together, and we were sat opposite at table and had some ‘good chat’. Matt was right, though I’ll never tell him how much it all hurt me – we really are just different people. And it feels nice to be leaving on good terms.

Anyway. Forty-five minutes for some Tacitus and then I’m off to Matt’s to watch crappy crappy Torchwood. Final supervisions tomorrow.

Monday March 10, 2008

sailing out to sea

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 6:16 pm

Hmm, not getting along so well with my prose composition. Possibly I would do better if I try harder; all I’ve got so far is ‘nec indignum nec inane’.

Time here’s drawing to an end again, then. This time next week I’ll be alone, maybe finishing the final Scarlatti recording session, maybe back in my room entertaining myself. Home tomorrow, for five weeks.

Once again I’m trying to keep positive, and really there’s no reason not to. I need a change of pace, I think we all do after this term, and it’ll be wonderful to have free time – and work time, for that matter. This term’s certainly gone faster than Michaelmas; I can’t really believe that I have my end of term meeting with Carrie on Friday, or that my supervisors have apparently written up my term reports already.

Lots of work left to do yet, though, and there’s some nice things approaching too. Going out for Matt’s birthday meal tonight, and we have Christ’s annual Classics dinner tomorrow evening – I need to find an object to represent a classical character, ahah. No ideas yet.

Ahhh clausuli.

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