Instructions for Dancing

Tuesday January 27, 2009

the most genuine thing

Filed under: Uncategorized — by hettyweston @ 12:06 am

I had a little moment tonight, during Iolanthe rehearsal this evening. We were in the old library at Emma(nuel), this lovely high-ceilinged, wood-panneled room with huge portraits of famous, influential people, and we were doing our first ‘run’ of the entire second act. This was a big deal. We were slowly stitching together a full half of all the work we’ve done for three weeks – songs, dances, dialogues, the lot. And I was suddenly so glad to be there, surrounded by those talented, dynamic people whose names I feel privileged to know, privileged to have given them mine. It’s not about the performances anymore, what other people will see and think when they watch us on stage, it’s about all the moments we’re sitting barefoot in historic places, exhausted and sweaty and accomplished, watching our hard work play out and living up to the inspiration of that history.

I receieved another kind of inspiration tonight. I realised that I’ve been living this course and this subject pretty nicely, doing all my work and developing good scholarly comments, but I haven’t yet given myself permission to say what I really think. Hi, I can actually be honest here; I can hear what they say and read what they write and take it inside me or spit it out again. I can choose. I can still be me in all of this, I can take my joy where it’s offered. This is maybe a strange realisation to get halfway through reading something Emily wrote about gladiators, but I never said I was above using friends as shining examples. I’d like to be a little more barefoot and historic.

Anyway. I realised tonight that right now I have even less than ever to be unhappy about, which is perhaps a pessimistic way of defining happiness, but it works for me. Now I’m going to translate some, read some and invite Matt over for tea and cake.

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