Hi. Not much of particular interest has happened here recently.
I had a lot of long-winded stuff here, but I decided to compress.
~~SIGNIFICANT CRUSH OF SIGNIFICANT PROPORTIONS &ETC~~
that’s pretty much it. he also hangs out in the library, which is the place I go to do all my work, since I found that only there could I actually escape all outside distractions and maintain proper focus. oh ho ho.
anyway, goodness knows I need some way of feeling like I’m in control, so I’m getting introspective. my aim is not at any point to take this any more seriously than it deserves. I seem to recall Susannah giving me that advice over Christmas, about life in general, and it’s just so true. I’m lucky with having wise friends. Or I could go with Emily’s approach and just hit on him in a really blatant way, as she instructed me on Friday night in a tone of ‘well, duh‘. (<3333)
I’ve been back for nearly a week now.
…the last time one week took this long was that time I went from Cambridge to London, to home, to London, to Athens, to London, to home. this time I’ve travelled, um, 100 miles max.
Anyway. I’m busy! Hooray! Lectures have started, so I’m getting up earlier, I’m singing Britten’s War Req in King’s tomorrow night, I’m taking myself and my laptop to the library tomorrow afternoon, I’m singing solos on Sunday that I’m determinedly not rehearsing (new step, I’m trying to outrun my neuroses) and then I’m dressing up and going to my first choir formal of term, where there will be the ritual humiliation of a ten-story-high happy birthday descant and enforced birthday kissing with the Milton statue. I’ll try to make sure I’ve had a glass of wine by that point.
in other news, my team’s manager is being investigated for tax evasion and the pretty blond one is out for at least six weeks with a knee injury. when football and offensively sexist advertising are the only things getting me down, I know I’m doing alright.
My desk post-birthday is a shiny happy place.
I didn’t do anything very special for my 21st, as it’s really near the start of term and I figured everyone’s about to get very busy. I’ll arrange something more dressy a bit later on, maybe. Instead, I sent an email to whoever came to mind and invited them all to go to Clowns that evening for cheap and cheerful pasta. I told them not to bother with presents and definitely not to sing happy birthday to me in public, but they did both. then we just went back to Matt’s for tea and chat. I was nervous about that, since that group hasn’t spent an evening together since last year – since before Charles’ death and before I broke up with Matt. but not only did we have a nice time, but Matt also suggested that we try doing it again on Saturday, like we used to every week in first and second year. I can’t really describe what this means to me but it’s making me tear up as I think about it, so I’ll move on.
Lectures start tomorrow and I’ve just arranged eight essay supervisions, so term’s almost underway. Choir practice started up again today, which feels great, and I spent my first rainy(/snowy) afternoon of many sitting in the library trying and failing to find Diocletian interesting. if we’re being honest, I was slightly distracted by the ridiculous colour combination that the incompetent-librarian dude was wearing.
I’m getting sorted out now. Something I have here that I don’t at home is a sense of possibility. Here is harder and lonelier and I make my own cups of coffee, but I’m in crowds of people who are great at my subject and at music and at life in general and sometimes I’m pleasantly surprised by how I compare. all these chances to be awesome at stuff makes up for other things.
And I’ve got a phone in my room which Sam calls me on. That helps too.
“Everyday is a gift and i will try to be more thankful for the mere opportunity just to have a difficult time…” [DV’s blog.]
This is one of the truest things I have read in such a long time. It’s put in an unintentionally hilarious way (and the grammar is kindof spurious) but wow, it’s so incredibly true. Talk about finding insight in funny places.
4:20 and I’m off to the library. I think that means term’s begun.
It’s my last day at home before going back to uni. I need to pack.
I’ve never been this unenthusiastic about going back to uni. Normally after a few weeks at home I’m a bit more ready for it. I think it’s to do with the work I’ve not done, the mPhil I might not get onto (and might not really be cut out for), the way I’ll be returning to an empty room every evening. I know from experience that it will all be fine eventually so shut up. It’s just never felt this hard to remember.
A few positive practicalities, then.
- I HAVE A MILK FROTHER NOW
- cooking for myself = exciting new experimental recipes
- all friends in the vicinity will be in the 15-minute-walk vicinity.
- conclusion: living in a city is great.
- new courses with lectures. weekly deadlines! structure!
- Imogen Heap with Lou next month. omgYAY.
- one day soon, this website will be transformed completely.
- my room at college has a Fernando Torres poster in it.
- some things stay with you no matter how far you go.