that’s what we’ll always be

You know when you hear a song and it suddenly makes so much sense. Like, exactly fitting a feeling. My goodness. Music = <333. Particularly the obscure.

Chamber choir was really, really good. We got through a lot, because he’d hand us music and play it through once then be like – right, off you go. It actually pushed me, and I’ve never had that in a choir. And Mr P is great fun, too. Oh so energetic. And he has such a round, round face.

Then me and Lou went home (*glee*) and I briefly freaked out that the concert tonight might not being in MS and my violin might be getting locked in, which led me to do lots of random texting. Which resulted in Ed texting Chen who nudged Chris and told him to turn his phone on. Ahahah. Then I slept for a bit. Mmmnap.

Turns out the concert was in MS, so I needn’t have worried. Went very well, I think, though there wasn’t space for the performers to stay in the hall and listen, so I only heard bits. But the bits were good. And hopefully I’ll be able to get a copy of our duet, as Christian seemed to be recording the whole thing.

I’m happy again. Which is partly down to particulars, but mostly down to… life just being good. And this song being awesome. Yes. If things could be this way forever.

And with that.

and i threw away the key

Oedipus was great. Fantastic story, obviously – and it was cool to see the unity of time, place and action being observed as well – as well as it being a very good translation (except for them missing out the “I AAAM OEEDIPUS” -Mrs B – bit from the start, which is apparently vital). They also used some cool techniques to quickly change moods, which was really clever – the lights suddenly flicking to red and the chorus moving in slow motion around a motionless Oedipus, then retaking their positions as if nothing had happened and the scene continuing. It was very powerful, and very scary, and a lot of other things people expect of tragedy.

Then Lou and Chris and me (I) waited for a while to be picked up, though Lou about half an hour less than us two. Possibly the most amusing comment of today was from Lou: “I could take care of both of you… with a gun!”

Heels are fun. I’ve been making clipping noises all day.

Was concert only yesterday? I woke up this morning and thought I’d dreamt some of the worse aspects of it. It was that kind of random. My, it feels a long time ago.

U2 – First Time

I love this song. I’ve had it in my head most of tonight, and the lyrics are just so beautiful. And it’s all gentle and reflective and what I need this time of the evening.

My comp’s finally started getting somewhere, which is awesome. Small bits are falling into place, and I’m not as far behind as I thought I was.

And oh, finally. <333 Hand-holding! That is too cute for words.

golden, child

My first thought while coming off stage: It’s over! I can get my life back! But it was very good. Only made two really shocking mistakes, which is not bad. Not sure how many people got the joke in the Greetings Prelude, but hey, the orchestra enjoyed it. And the symphony went very well, as did the Moods. Firebird felt even more awesome than it did yesterday. <3 And ty muchly to Chris (and family) for coming to support, it made it that much nicer.

The best part was so the end. When it started so soft and gentle and it built and built and built. Sakari is such a powerful, powerful conductor. He somehow got to the heart of it all, every emotion. You feel invincible after playing like that, and I think that feeling’s perhaps the reason we all keep going, through every time this week that we didn’t think we could. Somehow it’s been worth it.

School tomorrow. Ahahahah. *thud*

Oh, and also, thank you for the batteries.

“One of the nice things about looking at a bear is that you know it spends 100 per cent of every minute of every day being a bear. It doesn’t strive to become a better bear. It doesn’t go to sleep thinking, “I wasn’t really a very good bear today”. They are just 100 per cent bear, whereas human beings feel we’re not 100 per cent human, that we’re always letting ourselves down. We’re constantly striving towards something, to some fulfilment”.

<3

your hands, into the fire

Just a moment to ramble about music.

omg Firebird <3 <3 <3. I didn’t properly realise this until we played it all today. No recording could ever do it justice, because it just couldn’t capture every nuance of sound that Stravinsky’s created in there. The soft, creepiness of the basses at the beginning and the fragmented writing for wind and celeste and harps… more ‘sounds’ than music. The slow build… the melodies… the col legno of the basses, which is batlike genius, the Infernal Dance with its fucking terrifying psychoesque chords, the strings’ tremolo passage where we played so quietly it was as if we were all just pretending to play… and the final, painfully beautiful build to the end.

I don’t think I’ve ever played anything with that much power, and though Anthony was talking about the third movement of the Symphony being the emotionally draining thing in tomorrow’s programme, I think Firebird will be moreso. It’s such a rollercoaster of… everything. When I was playing today, the final build had a similar effect on me as when we played Nimrod. And I want tomorrow to come.

And, while on the subject of music, I got a bit of a thrill when I stole Sophia’s NME today and turned a page to see an ad for The Feeling’s tour with ‘special guests: the fray’ just above the tour dates bit. Cannot. Wait.

And Death Cab were playing on the Eastenders advert. Buh?

No mute arrived in the post today, so I’ve texted Lizza in the hope that she can help me out and saving that we’ll try Jen again. Though it might be best to go without now, as I have no idea which bits are con sord and which are senza. Should have stolen Ed’s while I had the chance.

All that’s left to do tonight is sort some lunch and my posh concert clothes (that dress needs subtle safety-pinning for… that problem that I had to explain to Ed last night which sadly involved use of the word ‘boobies’), and I should finish my Ovid essay too, as I still haven’t. *is bad* But maybe that’s for tomorrow night, in the true spirit of leaving work to the last minute.

I haven’t even considered school on Monday. What is school? I’m too busy and artistic to think more than one day ahead, tyvm. But it’ll be fun to be back. Anything after this week could surely not be hard work.

that it’s somehow lingered on

Exciting happenings of today?

Um.

Yeah. That’s about it.

But the music’s coming on well. Except for those six bars in the second movement (dying), which Anthony has conceded are the hardest ones in the whole symphony. Hurrah for the first violins. But it’s mostly okay, and we’ve played through Norweigan Moods now as well, so at least we’ve seen all the notes now. We’ve another 6-hour session tomorrow, so by the end of that we should have sorted most of it.

And I baked some cookies. Accidentally set fire to the baking paper, ahah, but let’s not talk about that. Fortunately nobody was in the kitchen to witness it.

Paul’s picking me up 8:30 again tomorrow. Night all.

“it’s like a sad, bitey fox”

Mmm. I got my lie-in this morning.

Then I drove through Burton. That was interesting.

Today has been a day of bullshitting. I never knew I could do it so well before today. Spent much of last night and much of this afternoon writing my Romanticism essay. And… I had a lot of facts in there, but when I didn’t have the facts I wanted I bended them and filled them in a bit. So yes. It might be fine or I might have a lot of Dr U’s red pen. We shall see.

Then I directed Paul into Leicester to see Ed and carry out the ‘How to Save a Violin’ (oh the wit) that we randomly planned on the train. Our drive there was fine, except for the bit where we drove all the way through Great Glen and onto the bypass and ended up in Kibworth Harcourt. But besides that. I realise the best way of giving directions is to be supremely confident about whatever you’re saying, however sure you are. And if the driver says anything like, It’s down here, isn’t it, you just say yes, definitely. No ums. So yeah, that worked until we ended up in Kibworth Harcourt.

Then the journey back was a bit scary, as there were the nasty nighttime roadworks just before going onto the M1, and three lanes of busy traffic were being cut down to one, and we kept being pushed around by lorries, and gah. Much colourful language used by Paul, while our cd merrily played Raiders of the Lost Ark in the background. But then it got better, and we got back to mine about 11:10. So well dones to Paul.

Have had a haircut. It is much shorter.

And who knew it was so hard to explain how to hold a bow.

and it’s brighter than the sunshine

Got back from orch five minutes ago. Ahahahah. *thud*

I’ve… not really spent much time at home today. Overslept, washed hair and dressed and all that stuff in ten minutes and rushed down the road to meet Chris in the pouring rain. Then we walked into town in the pouring rain, and ‘waited for Ed and Fern to phone us and tell us what they could see’, as was their arrangement with Chris.

Um, yes. It’s a Wednesday, so the castle wasn’t open, and it was still pouring by the time we’d had lunch, so we eventually decided to come back to mine so we’d at least have some dry. It was great to see them again, but so bizarre to see them in Ashby. And in my house. But very good.

Got back from the detour to Chris’s house just in time to be picked up by Paul, and then we took a train into Bham on which I gave Ed useful information on the basics of playing a violin, such as rosin use and bow winding, Paul occasionally chipping in things. Then we ate food, then we rehearsed.

Rehearsal went quick. The symphony’s finally coming together. <3 We got all the way to about the end of the third movement. I love the third movement, it’s so beautiful. It’s all angry and passionate, and very Tchaikovsky-esque. Very romantic period. And naturally not as hard to play, as it’s in a difficult key but far slower. So good all round.

Just got our (optimistic) train option back, though with mad running down the platform. And when we got back to Tamworth, Paul announced, “I am so straight”, and then we eloped. Except for that last bit. Apparently he was talking about his position in the parking space. Le sigh. Maybe one day.

I got a postcard from Lou! I love her postcardy habits.

if you could complicate me

Got through another day of orch. I wasn’t sure if I would or not, I was ready to go back to bed ten minutes after I got up. I think I should blame you two for keeping me up with our very intellectual discussion on the practicalities of an Ovid poem, but I think I might thank you instead. It was a fantastically entertaining discussion.

We had our final intensive sectionals this morning, which is a relief. They’re hugely helpful, but I was at breaking point for most of it, as I hate not being able to play things, especially when I’m really trying, because it makes me feel like a failure. David was comforting though, he told us before he started the session that he considered us the only youth orchestra in England who would or could dare undertake a concert of Stravinsky. And I do think we can pull it together. I want to so much.

Got another email from Susannah, saying a bit about her first week in Nepal. First week? It feels like she’s been away ages. I remember thinking how much things would change in these next six months, but I didn’t expect them to have changed so already.

For one thing, this morning was the first time (that I can remember) that I’ve ever eaten porridge in a car. Well, in a bowl in a car. And it was very tasty.

Seeing Fern and Ed (and Chris!) tomorrow. Lots and lots of yay. Then Paul’s picking me up at about 4:30, and we’re taking a train into Bham, and getting tea somewhere before our evening rehearsal… hopefully the lovely-looking noodle bar in the uberposh shopping centre that’s in our route to the CBSO Centre because we like the escalators.

NB: Must buy hat, because the one I keep wearing now does not make me look any less like a dustbin man than when I wore it last winter.

candlelight lit

Ngh. Again, so tired. But happy, because all I’ve wanted since leaving my room this morning was to get back here. Even though it’s very cold. Must get hot chocolate.

Orch again very good, and again very useful. We’re getting so much better with each day. Paul and I arrived a little late… we must’ve dawdled without realising, as when we were about halfway through the walk to the CBSO Centre, Paul checked his watch and it was 10:55. Whoops. Perhaps we’ll manage an earlier train tomorrow.

We’ve spent the entire day on the Firebird. Ahahah. And we still haven’t done all of it, and Mike’s not even tried looking at our notes yet (“This section’s got C flats and F flats and probably Y flats, but forget them” – I love Mike*); we’re just working on timing. There’s a lot of tempo changes, and a lot of unpredictable, exposed entries. Also, much of ours is forte, and when strings players can’t play the written notes they play quietly, going vaguely along the lines of “if you can’t play anything nice don’t play anything at all”. But, must not do that in Stravinsky! Stravinsky composes impossible string parts where rhythm matters but notes do not! Am trying to remember this.

Paul’s driving sans mother was oh-so frantic and road ragey (“Vans, vans, I hate vans! *swerve*”). But actually very good. My mission tomorrow is to shove enough coins into a Tamworth Station parking meter to get us a £12 week’s ticket. Mum and I spent awhile tonight finding enough pound coins and silvers for this purpose, so now I’ve got a bag of them and I shall stand feeding them into the machine as a queue of bemused parkers forms behind me. Fie on you parking meters who do not take notes!

Sam cooked this afternoon, I think because he’s realised I don’t have time to this week. So now we have brownies, because obviously he will do the stodgy, stick-to-the-roof-of-your-mouth-type cake that he likes. But they’re good. And it got him doing something different. And that’s something.

*”Seconds, you’re being drowned by the first violins. Isn’t that a horrible thought.”