our hands glued together

On the other side of this Greek mock, I feel a bit less laden with work. It’s a good feeling. Mock itself seemed okay too. The questions are nicer this year too, with ‘how is this made vivid’ rather than ‘give exactly four examples of vividness from this passage omg cheesecake!’. But we’ll see how I did before I start getting unworried.

Missed Lou muchly today. I can’t make rude jokes so well with other people. If she’s not back tomorrow then I might go crazy and start trying to make them to Katie. I’m having to bottle up all this lewdness.

Saw J while on my down to visit the lovely Mr Bunting this afternoon, and he complimented the quartet’s playing of last night with “I’ve never heard something so in tune”. Ahahah. I hope we’ll be just as ‘in tune’ for the next round.

I think today has been okay. I should wear crazy earrings and charity shop trousers more often. And go around with lines in my head like ‘there are days and nights when i don’t need to close my eyes’ and ‘they feel as real to me as analogy in disguise’.

Speaking of which, had an interesting rant from Mr B about the uselessness of using analogies in arguments. It came up because in our latest translation for Phoenissae, Jocasta tells Polynices and Eteocles that they should be content to share the rule of Thebes in the same way that the sun and the moon share the sky – ie., nature itself encourages taking turns. It’s a completely specious argument. But anyway.

We had a double decker bus to go home on this evening. What an event. But there is a far more stunning view of the sunset from the top of one of those. Oh, and I heard the bus’ resident emo kid say “fuck this shizzle” with no sense of irony whatsoever.

Sylvia Plath – Mirror

Today has been very good, actually. Nothing particular, just a lot of little moments that make me think about things just a little bit more positively.

Trev’s music lesson was surprisingly enjoyable. I’m getting the feeling that I am not nearly as far behind in perfing the anal (well, analling the perf, but that’s quite as fun-sounding) as many of my esteemed colleagues.

Had that Oxbridge photo thing at lunch. Fun stuff. It involved Nhoj and ChrisJ grabbing a bench and speedily making for the exit of the quad (the whole thing looked quite criminal), and generally there was a lot of sitting around in the cold looking happy.

And the LGS Rotary competition thingy was surprisingly… I wouldn’t go as far as lovely. Pleasant. Arrived at 7:30 and didn’t play until 9:15, but Hannah & Sam & Mrs Baairns & I sat around in the cafeteria making the time pass by such inventive games as ‘what is this tune I’m plucking?’. And other things. Sam is a maniac, but did tell an amusing story about Ed ‘nearly crucifying himself’ on the Hadrian’s Wall trip.

Life lessons learnt today: none. But I learnt a lot of Iliad 6.

unlike you, unlike you

Have been listening to Kate Havnevik a lot these last few days. New Day especially, because that amazing intro with the creeping, fingernails-down-a-blackboard glissandos feels perfect for now. It can be heard here.

The others are great too. Grace will always make me think of sex because of… yes.

Not much happened today. Dom and I were victorious in a debate in Latin about whether Ovid’s genuine love for Corinna is genuine… but we were arguing the obvious side after all. Lou and I continued our Monday McDonald’s thing, bringing back (squashed) doughnuts for our triple free, where I learnt a lot of Iliad for our Wednesday test while Lou spazzed out next to me. I’m not sure why.

Getting an early night tonight. I think I only have some ‘perf anal’ to do for tomorrow. All the other tasks that I need to go to and ply can wait.

When did my blog become one long euphemism?

weeks turned months turned years

That feeling’s coming back again.

I’d forgotten I’d got this in my bookmarks.

I feel… lonely. There are things I could do to stop feeling lonely, but that would mean getting close to someone again, and I can’t. Being close to someone means feeling out of control. And yet I feel like that already.

But Nhoj has just given me boobies. For the moment, life is better.

it’s not what you think;

“But go home and attend to your own work, the loom and the distaff, and order your handmaidens to go to and ply their tasks also…”

[Iliad VI, L490-492]

Just took a pause from typing up to give that a little recognition.

Sat here thinking if I could include something that would be of interest to someone besides Lou, but I don’t think I can. My mind is going: don’t do that again please… work harder… go write a quartet… bake shortbread…

So nope, there’s nothing.

calculated risk

Driving was a bit unpleasant this morning. It seems events of last week has shaken me up a little where that’s concerned. I hope that feeling goes away.

But this afternoon was fun. The band rehearsing before us managed to make a speaker fall off the wall, ahahah, so we had to hang around for 40 minutes or so while Stayfree people fixed it back up again. Nhoj and Pippa and ChrisJ randomly disappeared… but returned soon after with chips. I hit Chris with his glockenspiel sticks many times in the interim. Then we finally did some practice, and I gained a new background photo for my phone thanks to a bit of amusing graffiti.

Then we all went to respective homes (well, I assume we did) and I’ve done some homework and seen the newest Grey’s (3×13) and… that’s about it really. But the Grey’s was fantastic. *nods*

Now you need not pay attention
To such sounds as I don’t mention,
Sounds like pores, pause, pours and paws,
Rhyming with the pronoun yours;

Gerard Nolst Trenité – The Chaos

for the tiniest moments it’s all not true

Ngghfriday. Fortunate, as I couldn’t have managed another day of school. I think I thought similarly last Friday. Need to get more sleep or less homework or something.

Concert was fine except for the bits where it wasn’t. I was fretting about a particularly hard position change (about first position to fifth on D) in the Tchaikovsky quartet and for just a moment my fingers overpowered my brain and I did this spazzy leap up my D string about a bar early. And it was SO OBVIOUS. I suck.

Getting doughnuts* for Latin was such a good idea. And we even ate them quite subtly, though Chris points out that we did have them sitting on the desk in front of us, which was not quite so subtle. What can we take in next week? Maybe prawn crackers again.

Possibly making scones (skɒns) tonight. Or shortbread. I’ll see what mood I’m in.

Band practice was very trippy indeed.

*Read: getting someone else, ie. Ed, to get us doughnuts.

‘and there we were, in positive light’

Need to finish that Schubert essay before tea before choir. ‘Argles.’

Today was alright. Except quartet, which is stressing me the fuck out. If it were up to me we would not be doing a concert tomorrow and a competition next week. As it isn’t, I should really learn my part a little better. We’re all skiving PSE tomorrow to practice.

Latin was eversoslightly duller than normal without Chris and Riva there.

And I am distinctly charmless on the school bus, regardless of which direction it’s going. Or should I stay, eversoslightly more charmless than normal. Sorry, LB.

another second, lived

South – Paint the Silence

And the words “a very real humour you’d be proud of” in my head.

Right now, feeling content. Yes. Content is the right word.

you’re not waiting here for anyone

I’m not sure whether it’s a good or a bad feeling to sit here feeling sick and sorry for myself and then to realise that regardless of how ewwy I might feel tomorrow morning, I am needed at school.

Today’s not been so bad. Had a wacky music lesson with Dr U involving him walking us through the music school as he went, “this is autumn halfterm… this is spring term… that automatic door over there is university…” twas fun. “A metaphor, if you will.” Ferg makes me laugh.

Fortunately nothing about plying tasks or well-girdled maids came up in Iliad lesson this morning, though we made the most of both on our walk down to Mr B’s lesson this afternoon. Ply, ply! This lesson was also hindered by a large piece of toffee that I put in my mouth just as Mr B asked me a question; for once I was physically and not intellectually unable to answer. Also, Lou gets no more toffee because of the obscene thing she did with the first bit I gave her when Mr B was out of the room.

Managed to arrange my homework diary so that all my homework fits on one page, which is very comforting. I like being able to see it in all its terrifying glory.

Tried to steal Beka’s nice red coat at lunch but failed. Laughed far too hard on the way back from Mr B’s lesson in the rain. It snowed this morning.