is there so much love to hide

Ahah. I was just looking at the dates for Bryanston 07, and I found the 06 report. It describes the orchestra as “memorable”. Yeah, that would be the bit two lines up from the end of Waltz of the Flowers where the whole orchestra fell into confused silence and then picked up again two bars later. Damn right we were memorable. \o/

I’ve been listening to Marillion’s Easter a lot today. It shuffled on while I was concentrating on Ovid (let’s face it, he’s fascinating) and it got to the bit after the guitar solo and it suddenly got my attention and I thought ‘wow, that’s kindof awesome’.

Hmm. Missed not being at school today for various reasons, mostly the company. I got Latin revision done, at least. I was hoping you’d be around tonight, and I missed you when you weren’t. Probably a good thing, though. Also, you weren’t either.

Enough vagueness. I know this well enough to know that I’m only feeling bleak because I have hardly seen or spoken to anyone today, and I don’t know how anyone manages that without going insane. Night night.

i love your delicate way.

Ahah, no energy today. We were back not-too-late (by my standards at least, sorry Chris), but I always forget how tiring it is to stand up for so long; doors opened 6:30 and Feeling stopped doing encores around 10:45. I was tempted to just sleep today… but my school shoes, schoolbag and violin were all at school. :( gutted.

Fray were good omg. <3333 But a bit at odds with Feelingmusic – or rather, fans of Feelingmusic. Who were young and screamy. Yes, I’m a bit contemptuous of Feelingmusic (which is probably unfair, as it’s like the people who dislike Einaudimusic because it’s not intricate and complex, and that’s totally missing the point). But Fray came and sang their deep-and-beautiful Fraymusic (and it was, very), and then Feeling came and performed theirs, and I don’t think anyone who had gone to see the jump-flail comedy of the awesome Dan Gillespie would remember Fray at the end of it. But, point: they were both differently awesome.

It was so good to hear Fray live, and we were only about four rows from the front so we had a good view. So far as I could recall, setlist went: dead wrong, she is, all at once, how to save a life, a new unnamed thing, heaven forbid, little house, look after you and cable car. It felt rather amazing to finally hear some of those in mp3 format.

Oh, and I got a Fray tshirt. Cause I’m cool.

And I enjoyed the Feeling far more than I expected. Dan Gillespie is highly entertaining as a frontman, and he chased the bassist around the stage and high-kicked cymbals on the drumkit and grabbed a pair of hand-cymbals, which he crashed a few times while jumping around like a maniac and then kicked one-at-a-time offstage in comedic fashion. He also stood on top of lots of things and leapt wildly off them to end songs. And ahahah, at the end of the final song he stood on top of a thing but instead of leaping off it, just sortof fell sideways and collapsed bonelessly on the floor and it ended like that.

Had a slight panic when I realised at 10:30 that I didn’t have a housekey, but Chris texted his parents and they got Mum to leave me one out. And Chris didn’t dare mock me about this because HE FORGOT THE TICKETS, even though I had written it on his hand in big letters the night before. moron. But I’m normally the one to do that, so that was my one triumph of the day… apart from telling him at lunch that “you wouldn’t be you if you were interesting”. which out of context sounds very cruel indeed.

And yes, so Monday’s Noodle Bar lunch was lovely too. Sharl is going home next week. :((( Which is quite sad, but at least she got to sortof meet EdnChrisnNhoj before leaving. And Noodle Bar is always tasty tasty algae so it was very nice. Lou and I are going alone next Monday so we get more prawn crackers. ^^

&other? I’m so having an early night tonight.

there’s a war inside of me

Have stuffed all of my Grey’s music into one folder. This way I can be pelted with emotional boulders only when I want to be. *nods* I’m currently listening through it and being unable to concentrate because it’s all the songs that make me go nngh for various reasons. Mmm, musical distractions.

I am really, really cheerful round about now. Because I made a list and got some work done and I have happy Go Set Go playing at me now and Noodle Bar tomorrow. AND FRAY. <33333 And I found an article in Strad magazine that quotes Mischa Elman talking about portamento, which is like, performance analysis gold.

And I don’t have much more to do this evening except work lots, ahahah, and tidy my room and shower and back schoolbag and watch Lost with Chris. So yeah.

Wibble, this time last week we were playing in Symphony Hall. <3

And I think I might know the deeper reason I’m happier today.

you’ll never be

Unkle Bob – Swans

One of the loveliest songs you’ve never heard.

I want you to know.

I’d pick it apart and see exactly what makes it so powerful, but that would be missing the point. It’s that feeling, looking down on Coalville from a car on a high road and seeing the streetlamps spread out for miles, glowing delicate and perfect. Something in experience that always brings back to me that sense of wonder, breaking through any wistful loneliness that’s gone before. Whenever I think it’s gone forever.

And speaking of: wake up, you idiot, before you hurt someone you care about.

you see me (different)

At the end of a day like this, a day when so many prayers are answered and so many aren’t… we take our miracles where we find them. We reach across the gap. And sometimes, against all odds, against all logic, we touch.

It’s good having someone to talk to again about the important parts of life. ^^ And speaking of which, Stu has nearly caught up with me in Grey’s now, which is awesome because it means I have someone to geek out with.

And we went to see Gaslight this evening, which was actually very creepyandgood. I could totally see Ellie as Nancy. And imagine the thinly veiled horror that must have been sharing passionate kisses with the ugly old man in Act 3.

Anyway. Just posting because I watched 3×17 and… Grey’s broke me once again. It’s a show that has many… moments. One in this was the most beautiful I can remember of any episode. This episode had a good number of very, very beautiful parts, which is perhaps encouraged by the subject matter, but none of them felt overstated.

School was okay. Quite good. Should wear a dress more often. Should also comb hair more often, because today I could not run fingers through my tangled mess without them getting stuck. Feeling neh about something, but it’ll solve itself.

But, come on, seriously.

…Weekend!

maybe in five or ten

Just wrote ‘froody’ in an essay.

But it’s okay, it’s only a rough draft. I’m not even sure why I started now because I don’t have to hand it in for two weeks. I think I’m trying to avoid all that Latin that needs to be learnt for next week. oh lord.

What happened today? Very little. Lou’s form is still invading our form’s room. Which is actually far nicer than just having our form, as it means Marianna is diluted by other human beings. Lou’s form room will smell of paint for weeks to come, however.

Finally got those cds back to Ed. Finally did some work in Pollock’s lesson.

And ahahah, I love the Band-Aids posters. And even more so because we are on them. <3  It’s interesting, people have started making comments. Quite looking forward to starting recording tomorrow, too. Should be veery interesting.

Managed to get another rehearsal with Miss Bolt, but only after being told off on behalf of the entire set for being disorganised. Unfair, as I was only present because I was making an effort to be organised and get my recital playable for next week. *petulance* And Miss B isn’t in next Thursday, arg, so – ohhh hell. They were going to move me to next Friday. I have a Latin mock. Must talk to Trev tomorrow. Again.

Choir was jolly. Not quite ‘craaazy fun’, but definitely jolly.

‘coming alongside’

Today’s been an interesting day on some accounts.

Finally got my Fray cd. <333 It’s one of those I’ve been meaning to get for a very long while, but I put it off cause of things. But of course it’s easier to find now that I can walk into WHSmith’s and it’s the top of the bestselling cd thing. I told Lou and she understood my strange ragey possessive feelings.

Omg squee to the news about recording with Christian instead of Crash Factory, because that is incredibly awesome. It’s easy and accessible and… not costing us anything, which is the most amazing thing. It should be so good.

We did the Ash Wednesday service tonight. Lou mentioned something about a funeral this time last year, and I thought she was wrong, but I checked back and it turns out she wasn’t. It was CBYSO week last year that Big Nana died, and I didn’t do the Ash Wednesday service last year because I was in a bit of a state. It’s strange, because I had thought that this month last year was a very happy time for me.

Lizza said something about B before the service that made me feel far better about some stuff, and I shared a few things of my own that I’d almost forgotten about. It made me feel not so alone about it.

Night night.

one more day and it’s all slipping with the sand

We got a letter from Grandpa today, thanking mum for organising the coachtrip to the CBYSO concert and congratulating Sophie on her performance. Sophie is my cousin.

I am giving up chocolate for Lent. :/// I don’t know why. I like pain?

Found out tonight that my A2 mock recital is on Thursday, which is totally not awesome. And the real thing is in a month, which because of the total not-awesomeness of the previous bit of news is not yet even on my panic radar. (But it’s apparently period 9 Thursday, which means if I can grab the period 8 practice slot with Miss Bolt then I might just scrape through… or I could flail a lot tomorrow and get someone to move me to next week.)

I took the day off school today, but I think I’m further behind as a result. I tidied my room, though. I haven’t yet found my report. And I miss you.

But I did some driving after my violin lesson, which was useful. Executed an excellent 7-point turn. And when I say executed… well, whatever. But I felt okay.

Sleep now?

so alive.

Today’s been a good day.

There was more. But I’ve just heard this song and my thread has disappeared.

Today. We went to Noodle Bar with Sharl for lunch! This was the only thing that got me out of bed this morning. It was yummy as ever, and almost everyone we were discussing walked past our window, which was very useful and I think we pointed a lot.

Then Sharl stayed for the afternoon, which was fun. She went to Maths with Beka while Lou and me wrote our yearbook entries, ahahah. It took us a pathetically long time. Lou kept writing about ‘craaazy fun’ and I kept being unnecessarily sesquipedalian.

I know relationships are difficult and have their problems and hurt far more than being by yourself ever could, but I would kindof like that again. I would like to feel deeply and passionately, just to know that I can. Once I told someone that I hadn’t ever thought I would, and he laughed.

Other events of today: Mrs Prescott has advised all LHS girls with myspaces and blogs to ‘find a hobby’. Mr Mitchell has done it both ways. Once upon a time that was an innocent statement, but then Bob snorted and I followed suit.

Right. Time to find a hobby.

more than you’ll ever know.

Didn’t get the chance to say last night, but I took a Leicester train after the rehearsal finished and went to see Puressence (and Kalena) with Nhoj and Chris. They were both very, very good. Standing In Your Shadow! That was the one I’d been wanting to hear live. During it the frontguy leapt off the stage and onto Nhoj, and then wandered around a bit, cutting the crowd in half with his mic lead. It was very fun.

Equally fun was the support band before Kalena, which involved the lead ‘singer’ reading random words off a sheet of paper and intoning them into a microphone. A bit like Art Brut, as Nhoj pointed out, but lacking in any… thing. This was a fun band for all the wrong reasons. But very memorable.

Today has been a very happy day. Counted up this evening, and we did 39 hours over this week, which isn’t with all the travelling too. And it was worth it for this evening. In fact now that the week is finally over I can even be flippant enough to say that it was worth it for the coach journey back.

Ahah, I’ll be glad to get back to school. More relaxing. And I have Tuesday pegged as a day to take off if I need it, as nothing useful happens on Tuesdays.

Anyway. My point was that this evening was really very special. Thank you.