the only one who knows.

This month is getting busier and busier. in good ways. There are lots of things I’ve been meaning to do for ages and now need to before October – going to the Law Society with Dad, picking out my birthday present with Mum, visiting pots at the British Museum – as well as all the normal ‘I have free time to fill’ stuff like gigs (Spektor squeeeee) and shopping with Lou and randomness with Stu. And hopefully this weekend I’ll be going down to Cambridge with Beka. I love making plans.

Spent afternoon sitting in Susannah’s garden in a bizarre combination of hideous clothing painting a large bedsheet with the words BELL, TOWER, OPEN and DAY on it. Finishing it tomorrow morning. with luck.

Heroes was awesome once again. I figured we’d be in a sweaty crowd in B’ham this time next week, so I watched the second as well. I fear the dress I was repairing at the same time suffered slightly due to my unwillingness to look down very often.

Heffers have emailed to say they will process my order now, so perhaps in a few days I shall have some books to read that aren’t Lysias. Thank goodness.

Kitchen progress ground to a halt today, but possibly tomorrow there will be PLUMBER, and with him he will bring the holy covenant of GAS HOB, and then we shall all be freed from the cold iron clutches of MICROWAVE FOOD.

Kitchen man has also rehung downstairs toilet door as it has never closed properly; hadn’t really noticed this problem until this afternoon when I began making unnecessarily loud noises while violently slamming the now easily-shutting door in the manner that I have been accustomed to for the last twelve years. Will probably be able to adjust this habit, but I suspect it will take lots of time and many more convoluted sentences.

mmm.

Bliss – Peter Bland

I love where you’ve slept:
that shape in the bed

you’ve recently left. It’s
a space I stretch to fill in.

The trouble is
you’re always one step ahead.

I’m fated to arrive
where you’ve just been …

a flicker of curtains
a dripping tap

your voice in the next room
or the one beyond that…

Yet bliss lives
in these near misses

in the echoes of absence,
the ghost of past kisses.

in every heart

I’m home.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eELB6NxrZ7A

This song will forever make me think of Dean Close and this choral course. We sang wonderful arrangement of it in four or five-part harmony in our consort group (“N for nowledgeable necrophiles!”) really early on in the week, and we were going to do it in the informal concert but Alison and I were still having difficulty with some of the suspensions in the chorus and we didn’t have time to practice it. But last night at the party, Ralph and Olly and Sam and Franky and Paddy and Jo and Katie came in and the dodgy dance music was turned off and they stood in our common room singing this song just…. perfectly. I cried. The week wasn’t all fun, by any means, and some parts were very difficult and very lonely, but by the end I didn’t want to leave, and this song now just makes me think of that moment where we all stood quiet and listening, Alison and I humming along with them, suspensions perfect.

Anyway. Had a really good week, improved a lot in my own singing technique, sang a lot of fantastic music and met at least one person whom I hopebelieve will have a lot to do with life for the next three years. I hope so, at least. What I’d prayed for at the start was to have something good come out of this week, for the challenge to be worth it, and I know now that that prayer was answered.

And yes. In the next few days hopefully a recording of yesterday’s recital will appear on this page of the ECC site, and perhaps soon some Facebook photos of all the crazy Consort N group photos we took last night, and possibly even a video of our excellently choreographed Sit Down You’re Rocking The Boat performance, which I am sortof dreading and sortof cannot wait to see.

And I am curious about just how similar we are. I can’t wait to find out.

Kitchen still not finished. Microwave meals ahoy. It’s so nice to be back.

Off to choral course. Back next Monday.

<3

she smiled in a big way-

IT’S RAINING SO AWESOMELY RIGHT NOW.

Eurgh, I hate anniversaries. Yesterday was a year since Nana’s funeral. Today last year I was packing, just like today, but to go to South Africa, hoping to escape for a bit having got home from Bryanston to find a lot of stuff I cared about in tiny little pieces. I dug up some longish catch-up emails I’d sent this time last year, just to see where I was back then, and it’s funny how familiar they sound even this long afterwards. I hope that when we get back to school in two weeks’ time we can be friends again.

That’s probably why I’m feeling a bit morose this afternoon, along with not really wanting to leave tomorrow. This time I don’t have Lou to take with me, so I’m either going to be a hermit for a week or I’m going to have to make an effort to be sociable and friendly. It’s probably PMS, ahah, but neither seem like such fun options.

Last night was fun. Pokered at Simon’s til 1ish, then after dropping Sarah we came back here and watched things. Have wound from when I smashed into Chris’ forehead in the dark and drove a tooth into my lip. Currently halfway through the Matrix, which is really good, so hopefully when I finish packing and cleaning fish and visiting Grandpa I’ll get to see the rest.

entwined here, undiscovered

Today I went into town in the rain and posted my final UCAS slip to Christ’s Admissions Office to confirm that I am definitely taking up my place. Just now I’m sorting out a Heffers/Blackwells order for the texts I need for first term. This is getting closer and closer, and it didn’t sink in on Thursday but now with all these little bits of practical reality I’m getting little flashes of joy that I’m finally doing this.

Really enjoyed Harry Potter yesterday; a lot of things about it were practically perfect iew, Imelda Staunton especially. But Chris and I agreed (!) that Bellatrix should have been more dignified. Unhinged is fine, but sleek and unhinged is better.

Matt’s away for the weekend so we can use the flat’s oven! Score. And this evening we’re going back to Simon’s for a poker rematch, ahee. But only after X Factor finishes, because Simon is odd like that. And then Chris and I may be having another film-watching sleepover thingy. Today is a good day.

Dashboard Confessional’s Hands Down is a great song. I think this even though I have not stopped listening to Dream for days and have had Hotel Song in my head for five.

and it appears to begin and end with you.

Passed my driving test this morning.

And – ahah. Memories.

Priscilla Ahn – Dream

<3

from the highest swing

Since getting back from Bryanston I am getting far more narked than ever before about people saying “If I was” instead of “If I were”. There are so few chances to use the English subjunctive, do not trample on them! Um. yes.

Today’s been a good day. Obviously I am going to be cramping very soon, possibly even tomorrow morning, which would suck really hard. I can tell that it’s coming because this evening even one of the ‘normal’ Grey’s episodes could make me wibble – the one where Ellis gets out of her Alzheimer’s for a day and goes, “My life is so unfinished, it’s unfinished, and I’m not finished”. and yeah. It was a year last saturday, so I guess it’s only natural for it to be on my mind.

After getting results we made our way back to Ashby and arrived at HBC just after the kids did, and once again it was really fun. They made ‘stained-glass’ window panes (with tissue paper) and we also started making the polluted valley display more colourful and naturey. And we wrung some additional points out of Ed when Matt pointed out that Ed’s wife is on our team, and isn’t she beautiful. He is a pushover. I’m really sad to be missing the final day tomorrow.

Washing powder is the best smell ever.

Oh and, this is just getting silly.

all i’ve known
all i’ve done
all i’ve felt was leading to this
all i’ve known
all i’ve done
all i’ve felt was leading to this

i’ve got to show, show, show you

Um. Hello.

Just when I thought I’d had Hotel Song in my head for too many days.